“But I am not going to smugly sit up here and judge this woman.”
Yeah, me either.
“And can you honestly look yourself in the mirror and say you would not make the same choice if that were you?”
Nope, not with any degree of certainty. I wouldn’t be taken alive by terrorists either. There are a few situations in which I would take my own life so I’m not going to judge this woman.
When my husband was a spy for this country, he would have taken his own life in a heartbeat if it meant selling us out. When it was a matter of a terminal illness, he left that up to his maker. He is the HERO!
I truly would like to think that my last day on earth would be filled with family and friends gathered round, good memories and good food, laughter and tears, doing just what I wanted to do in my last hours, a celebration of my life.
I don’t think death is a terrible thing. I think there are a lot worse alternatives, and being in unimaginable pain, unable to swallow or perhaps to communicate, or being doped up to the eyeballs for months isn’t something I’d choose. I lost my dad 2 years ago. I so wish his last day had been like this. He was hospitalized and I went up to visit him, hooked up to every machine imaginable, unable to lay down or sleep, to rest comfortably, to talk very well because of the pain. Surrounded by strangers, tubes, catheters, machines making beeps and blips every second, the hustle and bustle in the hall, people coming in and out monitoring this and that.
I remember looking back at him through the door and seeing his very blue eyes smiling back at me. I said “See you tomorrow, and I’ll bring the boys.” I never dreamed I’d never see him again, or that that would be my last time to talk to him or hug him. I also regret that he died the next morning surrounded by strangers. I didn’t think it would happen that soon. I’ll always regret that.
If I could have spent a last whole day with him? I’d give anything to have had a whole day to sit with him and talk and remember, to hold him as he slowly slipped away. I wouldn’t think it a terrible thing but rather one very good, last day. I’d choose that kind of last day for myself if I had to.