You absolutely can’t control kids being mean, but the system is certainly at fault when the system does more to constrain the harassed than the harasser. When a blind eye is mostly turned to what the troublemaker kids do, because it’s the 10th time they’ve done it, but the slightest hint of retaliation brings down the hammer on the kid they did it to. Of course, I’m biased. I made a teacher cry by telling her that if she couldn’t shut a kid up, I would, and whatever happened to him would be on her head. I got sent to the counselor, he got sent to the counselor and nothing changed (until I slammed him into a locker). Perhaps that’s shaped my foreign policy outlook: Some people just don’t take to diplomacy, and you gotta carry a big stick.
You express it perfectly. That is the reality of the situation. Of course, lots of comments are mano e mano solutions. Girl bullies are terrible and in typical fashion ... it lasts forever. They never let go.