The extra mass on the planet caused by all these SUVs being manufactured is making the Earth heavier, so the sun is pulling it in closer.
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My God! Think about all the things we make and how much they weigh. What if it gets the earth off balance, like a washing machine, if you pile too much on one side? Have you thought of that? We could spin off into the Kuiper belt for all we know.
Oh NO! We’re not in the spin cycle, are we?!? We’ll die!