Don't you mean wear fig leaves?
Well, gee. Thanks for throwing me into an emotional conundrum. I am now wracked with confusion & guilt:
1) If I wear bearskins, PETA will ostracize me for being an animal-killer
2) If I wear fig leaves, the plants-rights activists will vilify me for oppressing another life form for my benefit
3) If I wear a wooden-barrel or card-board box, the Sierra Club will hiss, "Forest-raper!"
4) If I ignore all this b.s., the Socialistic GW Hysterics will brand me a capitalist pig
Please help. I'm going insane trying to please everybody.
/industrial-sized sarc