Posted on 07/10/2007 12:10:03 AM PDT by goldstategop
“Buy one Carbon offset and say three Hail Gaea’s...”
I think I will invest in some murder offsets. Taking a life is bad right? Well, saving a life is GOOD!
For just seventy three cents a day - less than the price of a cup of coffee - I can save a life in Africa. With this small investment, I can ensure that my murder-offset will keep me guilt free forever through the simple knowledge that every bad thing has a corollary which can be bought.
While I’m at it, I think I will start paying someone to be extra nice for me. That way, I can go around life being a jerk with the full comfort that my jerkism is being offset by a kindly old lady somewhere.
I like this.
If I am not mistaken...you just did the same thing.
I would like to purchase two (Tina, Kiki)... let me think (Carla...hmmmm), make that three, of your infidelity offsets, er...for a friend.
I would like to pay with cash.
Let's call them "jerkoffsets".
< }B^)
Actually, you could see plenty of Jerkoff Sets during the Live Earth concert. ;-)
I’ve expanded on your idea! Tell me what you think!
...
Carbon Credits to protect our environment have been such a success that the inevitable product line expansion has just been announced by Al Gore and Good Earth (TM).
New offerings include:
1. Murder Offsets - Taking a life is bad right? Well, saving a life is GOOD!
For just seventy three cents a day - less than the price of a cup of coffee - Al Gore will save a life in Africa. With this small investment, you can be assured that your Good Earth (TM) certified murder-offset will keep you guilt free forever through the simple knowledge that every bad thing has a corollary which can be bought.
2. Jerk Offsets - Stuck in traffic? Neighbor driving on your lawn again? Who can blame you? We understand.
Paying someone to be extra nice relieves the stress in your life. That way, you can go around life being a jerk with the full comfort that your jerkism is being offset by a kindly old lady somewhere. Al Gore and Good Earth (TM) have reserved her kind deeds JUST FOR YOU!
3. Infidelity Offsets - New bag boy at the grocer got your heart aflutter? Have you seen how SHORT the summer skirts are this year? We thought you did.
Al Gore and Good Earth (TM) have done it again! Infidelity Offsets are available in singles, 3-packs, and our most popular, Dirty Dozen (TM) that comes with bonus Flirtations (TM) at no additional charge! Unleash the Don Juan in YOU!
Many Americans espouse the line about "defending your right to say something I disagree with", but when it comes down to it, few actually support that idea. I assume (and you know what assuming something can mean) that most conservatives support the idea of unfettered free speech.
I take it for granted that liberals have the totalitarian mindset of only allowing speech they agree with to be broadcast or printed. The callers to Airhead America probably don't realize what little fascists they really are. I always hope the "correct" information gets out. But I don't advocate shutting down The Nation much less the variety of purportedly neutral media outlets to achieve that goal.
Global Warming and Al Gore have become the Nehru Jacket of 2007.
Now we just need to provide unverifiable and unquantifiable goods or services as actual offsets.
For murder offsets, we’ll give money for starving Somalis to some warlord who is *supposed* to distribute food.
For jerk offsets, we pay Nancy Pelosi to shut up for one minute. One minute of silence from that woman is worth about a year of jerkiness.
For infidelity offsets, we pay for marriage counseling for a couple having fidelity problems. Bill and Hillary?
Hahahhahahaha!! Jerkoffsets? Brilliant.
YOu gottta coin that,,somebody somewhere will make it famous.
A conflict of generations on this thread.
I am older than the Boomer generation, and agree with Lexinom’s question.
What will the huge numbers of boomers and their influence during their coming retirement years mean for our country’s path? Boomers have been the driving force in our society and our economy since the first ones graduated from high school in 1965.
My vision of the future, best perspective of which avoids nuclear attack by Iran (for example), is that the current generation of college age kids is so turned off by the dogmatic leftism of their professors and the preaching of the Algore sanctimonious-types that they are becoming more conservative.
Reacting against ‘conventional wisdom’ is normal for adolescents becoming adults. And the ‘conventional wisdom’ of the Boomers, church-going people like GrannyML excepted, has been that America is an oppressor nation who only go to war for oil, and when we do go to war and then abandon the people we asked to fight with us, it’s no big deal.
Ever see South Park?
LOL, perfect!
I’m on it!
I haven’t had relations with the missus for six months - does that help?
who is that guy? he looks kinda like that caveman in those Geico commercials.
Better be careful. That's illegal everywhere except for a few counties in Nevada! What? Oh, sorry, I thought you said "to," not "for." Nevermind.
Mark
Ever? Yes.
More than a few minutes? No.
Actually, I recall hearing this quite a bit by leftists back when they were the ones in control of the media and airwaves. However, since the "new media" and talk radio have flourished, the left no longer espouses such a view.
It was easy for them to do so before, because it was an empty statement. Now that there are actually differing voices, they don't like it, and won't put up with it. They're revealed for what they are.
Mark
I share Jonah Goldberg’s opinion of Gorebal Live Earth concert and then some. How many Gorebals does it take to change a light bulb? A Live Concert of thousands jumping up and down ..only no light bulbs were changed. If they really wanted to make a change, they would of gone door to door around the globe with a basket of energy saving light bulbs , offering to change them. I mean they gave out free condoms, why not give out free energy saving light bulbs.
That’s funny. Get someone to do fake TV/video ad with that
theme....it belongs on one of those satirical TV shows.
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