Am I going to hell?
I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you are asking the wrong person.
But I can give you a glimpse of hell. It is the absence of God.
Here’s an analogy to work with. 2 parents have kids who are very willful and the kids want an area in the house where the parents have absolutely no presence or supervision or authority. The kids get what they want and they’re in charge. So the parents set up the back room to be the kids’ room. They never go there, never look in, and agree not to help or do anything even if they hear screaming. In a few weeks, that room would become a horrible cesspool of garbage and whatnot, perhaps even a dangerous place. The room represents an absence of parental loving authority, just like hell would be the absence of God’s love & authority & mercy & looking out for what’s best for us.