The most conservative sort of C of C congregations select from the "elect", which means you have to be born into a family whose members belong. Then, at age 11 or 12 or thereabouts you might be selected for baptism. The less conservative congregations pretty much demand a non-Baptist background ~ maybe something like the independent Christian Church or even Disciples of Christ ~ so that you can be considered to be a Christian in the tradition of Stone or Campbell. As someone who has attended conservative coC congregations all my life, I can say without qualification that you have been smoking some bad crack.