Posted on 03/08/2007 7:04:09 AM PST by meg88
"Nix the inheritance. Will the money to charity upon your death and seal the will in such a way as that your loving offspring can't and won't be able to trick you into changing it in the event you are incapacitated and are "not of sound mind"."
Totally agree.
There's too many adults waiting around for their parents to die so they can suck off the parent's hard work. I know many like that. The kids know they don't have to achieve anything, because they can depend on their parent's to leave them everything.
I know one couple who spent themselves into deep debt, in anticipation of their future inheritance.
If I had kids like that, I'd feel proud to leave my money to charity instead of them, to know someone who deserved it might benefit.
I hate to disappoint you, but I don't have time to argue face to face (hate arguing and have better things to do), let alone with a perfect stranger who thinks he/she is perfect, and has nothing better to do than judge others.
I'd rather be cleaning fish.
This discussion is over.
You make it sound like he didn't start the affair until after he had made the decision to get divorced, but he was cheating on her well before that and I think that was one of the reasons that the divorce got so messy.
I agree after the kids are adults it's none of their business.
However, I think a lot of the resentment that is built up is from parents getting remarried when their children are younger, and the kids going through even more H***.
Of course, my father-in-law's children were older when he got remarried, and he just married a loon. He's not wealthy, so it's certainly not about losing their inheritance. I doubt there will be any.
However, I don't much like my father-in-law or his wife. He's a 75 year old selfish kid, and she's just strange.
My grandparents only died a few years ago, and my parents are still alive. My dad isn't doing well, but my mom is doing great. My husband and I will have grown children by the time she passes away. Her mother died at 94.
I figure I'll be in my 60s or 70s before my mom passes away. Who wants to wait around for an inheritance.
They probably learned this from the example set by their parents who divorced, based on their on whims and desires instead of what is right.
Let them, as adults, think they have as much say as your partner and spouse...
What right does one adult have over another adult, merely that they are someone's partner and spouse ?
Please....the adult child her acted more child than adult and I would be horrified if my children, regardless of age, behaved this disrespectfully to their father AND his wife...
Probably because this child did not have you for a parent, likely this adult child behaves this way because of the modeling of the parents.
I am also fairly certain that these same children expected their father's household income, which included the new wife's contributions, to pay for college, the wedding, guilt gifts etc.
Hmmmm....may be they expected this and it did not materialize. Statistics for non-custodial fathers indicate that the majority do not contribute to college expenses. Now before I get flamed, those are the statistics; having been on this forum and read the comments by many men, these men are often shoved out of the picture by exes who are, to borrow your phrase "rhymes with a witch."
Statistics also indicate that children of divorce are much less likely to receive support from either parent for college expenses.
There's much about this story that neither one of us knows.
Was the new wife a contributing factor to the divorce? How long had she been the wife: was this the first family milestone that she expected to participate in, or were there graduations, school functions, sports contests, where she had been rebuffed. Did the father participate in these functions ?
Did the father, in fact, pay any wedding expenses ? If he did, and the invitations had gone out some time in advance, why didn't he stand up for his new wife at that time ?
Or was his role as an observer only ? If so, why ?
If he did pay for expenses, then this second wife has worse problems than not being invited to this wedding. She has married a milquetoast.
Finally, if this wife really wants to have a place in her stepdaughter's life and heal what rift exists, I stand by my original assertion.
She should be a model of grace and class, something that may have been lacking in this young woman's life, extend herself to the daughter and see what happens. Those who are older have had more time on this earth to develop character; they can model that to those who are younger and in need of such demonstrations.
I think the problem comes even after the divorce. Sure there may be great reasons for getting divorce: cheating spouse, drug abuse, physical violence.
However, after putting a kid through something like that, it seems best to maybe wait until the kids are grown to get remarried or have a serious relationship. Try to create a stable environment for the kids. Maybe move close to grandparents or other relatives.
My husband's parents got divorced. His mom never remarried. When my husband would go visit his dad, there were lots of different lady friends around. I'm sure most of them weren't paying a lot of attention to my hubby, and I don't think his dad was either.
We have friend who got divorced from her husband because of drug and money problems. He spent some time in jail. I respect her a lot. She managed to stay in the same home where the kids had lots of friends. She's never remarried, and she only dates when she doesn't have the kids. Instead of putting them in daycare, she had one of the grandparents watch them in the summers and after school. She's really made the best out of a yucky situation.
Yep. You do have that right.
I worked with a wonderful young woman years ago, and she and her sister are very strong Christians. Both are practical, honest and respectable.
Her sister's husband seemed to be a nice, respectable guy too, he ran the press at another business owned by my company, and located next door to our office.
He got addicted to cocaine, and ended up driving an ATV into a tree (with his two young kids on it with him). It killed their 10 year old son, and the four year old girl was injured badly, but recovered. I'll never forget visitng the funeral home and seeing that beautiful little boy in that casket.
His strong Christian wife comforted him, remained the steadfast wife and mother.
Then, about a year later her husband ended up in prison for selling cocaine. She was so innocent she really didn't know, just did what she thought the Lord expected her to do to hold her family together. When she met him he also was a church leader.
While he was in prison my coworkers collected money for her and her daughter at Christmas, and I'll never forget how thankful, proud, and even embarrassed she was, but she needed the money badly. Having been a housewife with no other employment, she had to work low paying jobs to support herself and child. I even sent a Christmas card once to him in prison and enclosed postage stamps for him to write to his family.
I don't work there anymore, or live there, but I often wonder how she and her daughter are doing. Last time I talked to her sister she said finally her sister divorced her husband.
There is another young lady that lives near here, and she married a pastor. She also was a devoted wife and mother of four kids. Her husband committed suicide and she found out later he lived a double life, addicted to drugs and alcohol. She is a single and struggling Mom now.
I have a problem with people who have a one solution answer for everybody's life and decisions (not you), like some of the posters on here.
Divorce is a horrible experience for kids, I know I experienced my parent's when I was 15. I took it hard. But I am okay.
By the time I was Rudy Guiliani's son's age, I wasn't in college with a trust fund from a father I wanted to hurt and resented, I was married and raising a 12 year-old brother.
My father made a lot of mistakes too. Now I am the age he was when he died, and I have made a few (mistakes) I didn't think I would when I was 15 and mad at him for divorcing my mother. I couldn't understand how people could be stupid and make mistakes like he did.
But I was at his bedside when he died. We missed a lot of time we could have spent together because of both our mistakes. Wish I could change that, but can't.
I sure wish we lived in a perfect world. We don't. I respect people who do the right thing all the time. But I also understand people make mistakes. I do, and have, and will continue to try to improve with God's help. But I WON'T spend my life as judge and jury of others, I have more important things to do.
Yeah, what could possibly cause these crazy kids to blame the stepmom? I mean, her screwing around with their father and putting the nail in the coffin of their parents' marriage, that's something they should just intuitively accept, instead of being so odd and disliking her!
/sarc
I took my 80 year-old Mom to the doctor today, and to lunch.
And I just hung the phone up from talking to one of her two (out of 11) remaining siblings, her sister, who has inoperable, incurable liver cancer. My aunt lives several states away from me, but we have always been close, and since she was diagnosed she has called me, or me her, daily.
Their Mom (my Granny McCoy) had 11 kids, about 50 grandkids, and many greats and great greats.
None of them have, ever had any money. When my Dad died he had no money. But he left me an inheritance far more valuable than gold, the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
Like fishing. Watching the sun rise on a lake, with birds feeding in the shallows, while a lone deer drinks from the shoreline.
As I looked at my little 90 pound, wiry, grey-haired Mom from across the table today at lunch (her, of course yakking like crazy and reminding me of my manners) I counted my blessings.
I thank God for every minute I have left with her, faults and all, including all of the many mistakes and shortcomings she had throughout our journey together. There were many, but I don't remember them now, just want to enjoy and cherish every moment we have left.
I can't imagine placing a value on what parents are going to leave you. I do have my Dad's fishing float tube hanging on my cabin wall, and all the memories of him whistling while floating around in it (whistling, he always whistled, even though he had little money), and all the great times, a valuable lessons he taught me on those fishing trips.
I guess I am rich, after all.
(A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, scene 2)
Leni
(A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, scene 2)
Leni
Leni
>>Yes, Fred writes cleverly about his own bitterness; therefore all American women are selfish sluts who are solely responsible for the high divorce rate in this country.<<
His article is written for men. They understand that his frustration is not with women. It is with the courts. After all, men and women both behave badly from time to time. But the courts enable and even endorse the bad behavior of one, much to the damaged lives of ALL members of the family. Yes, even the woman with the cat named fluffy.
All the points of this article could be made to women, but it would need to be written differently because women communicate differently and interpret language differently than men.
>>It's much easier to look at life in these black-and-white terms, isn't it?<<
Yes. Easier and also much more effective. After all, even gray areas can be broken down to their black and white components. It is that mindset that helps one to make effective decisions.
....stepchildren can be real snots.
My mom has been trying to figure out things to give us when she passes away. She knows me well. She's already given me a picture of my parents at a dance when they were first married.
My mom also won a grandfather clock when we were little, and I would like it because it brings back really happy memories. There's a few other things that I would like that were my grandmothers.
I wouldn't mind keeping my parents home because they've had it the whole time I've been alive, but I'm sure that won't be feasible. That's going to be hard to give up, and I would much rather keep it than the money we'll get from selling it.
Simple pleasures are wonderful! It's a wonderful inheritance.
For the record, not all of us Step-moms were the ones the dad's cheated with. I met my spouse 3 years after his first marriage ended..due to HER fooling around!
You're right, I guess Rudy isn't as repulsive as Newt, lol.
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