Mr. Executioner: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Customer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this tyrant that I purchased not half a day ago from this very prison.
Mr. Executioner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Iraqi Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Mr. Executioner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Mr. Customer: Look, matey, I know a dead tyrant when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Mr. Executioner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Iraqi Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful uniform!
Mr. Customer: The uniform don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Mr. Executioner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Customer: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Saddam Hussein! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...
(Mr. Executioner hits the cage)
Mr. Executioner: There, he moved!
Mr. Customer: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Mr. Executioner: I never!!
Mr. Customer: Yes, you did!
Mr. Executioner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Customer: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO SADDAM!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes tyrant out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Customer: Now that's what I call a dead tyrant.
Mr. Executioner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Customer: STUNNED?!?
Mr. Executioner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Iraqi Blues stun easily.
Mr. Customer: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That tyrant is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf a day ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Mr. Executioner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Tigris.
Mr. Customer: PININ' for the TIGRIS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Mr. Executioner: The Iraqi Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely uniform!
Mr. Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that tyrant when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Mr. Executioner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Customer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Mr. Executioner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Customer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This tyrant is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-TYRANT!!