Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b
No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."
Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....
Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....
But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
LOL! I guess those are natural questions, but they're certainly not polite ones, among random acquaintances.
Most of the people I know who use cloth diapers order them online from suppliers.
I don't mind answering until I get the 'Well you're getting old, you better have some before you get old'... I don't have the same consciousness about age that other women do. If I haven't had any by the time I'm fourty-ish, petronski and I said we'd think about adopting a child.
Well, at least you turned the hamfistedness in your direction. :)
Good luck. You've got your head on straight--here's hoping you DO have some kids. We need yours!
LOL! You said it far better than I could.
Thanks!
The Steelers would have beaten the Ravens on Sunday if not for Roe v Wade.
BTW, I need a new keyboard after reading your lipsuction comment.
:-)
Curse of the bambinos.
For the sake of the other people to whom these insensitive clods will target the same question, you might want to subject them to a "cure" by unhesitately telling them a LOT more than they want to know about why you don't have children yet. It's one thing to ask people IF they have children, but once having learned someone doesn't, to ask WHY is beyond the boundaries of civil discourse. If they get a lecture on blocked tubes, recurrent miscarriage, high FSH, azoospermia, failed IVF cycles, etc., they had it coming (and aren't likely to ask anyone this question ever again).
I think if you had brought up birth control, that would be a reasonable argument, for surely childless women in their 30's and 40's prevented pregnancy with bc. But it is not a given that all of them had abortions.
And Touchdown Jesus...oops wrong team.
You get invited to showers for old high school or college friends, folks at church, folks at work... It's not uncommon. As for the "do you have children" question, I get asked if I'm married a lot. It's just a typical smalltalk question. I don't take any offense to it. It's sort of like "where do you work" or "how long have you lived here". It's just a way of finding a conversation topic. I've gotten that at office parties where you meet the spouses, at church stuff where you're meeting new people, and at work when getting to know new people. Where I work, you work with small groups of people for years at a time. So, you tend to get to know each other pretty well. Whose kids play what sports and how their team's doing. Whose wife wrecked their car last week. Whose husband avoids doing the dishes at all costs. :) That sort of stuff.
Thanks. More people around here could use a sense of humor, don't you think? I hope it's on their Christmas lists. :)
I have never met a single child woman who is not mad at her parents for that decision. Single children fear alienation.
I ask that question whenever I go to my husband's work functions. I'm looking for other mom's to talk to. I have little in common with the women that work at my husband's company, so I end up trying to find other moms to talk to. Even then, it's hard to find another stay-at-home mom.
lol. We figure we did our bit for King and Country ;)
Sometimes it just takes time.
What I find curious about both the article AND the thread is the subtle way that those women who CAN'T have children are lumped together with those who WON'T have children.
It's not even CLOSE to the same thing, even if the end result is the same. This article is about women who WON'T have children and women who CAN'T have children shouldn't have even been mentioned in it.
I chose not to seek medical help or look for a sperm donor. Nor have I made myself a mother through adoption. Instead, I've come to see myself as part of a growing phenomenon -- one to which people often don't know how to respond.
Now is this a heckuva attempt at rationalization or what?
I guess I fit myself into the "They're selfish" box. I think it's too bad their mothers didn't take the easy way out that they've chosen.
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