Posted on 10/08/2006 5:20:54 PM PDT by GretchenM
We asked Tom and Ray to give us their Top 10 scariest cars. They came through and were even kind enough to tell us for whom exactly the cars are scary.
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Looks like an early Ford Mustang, right? It is, on the outside anyway. The inside, however, is all Ford Falcon, a pedestrian vehicle if ever there was one. So what, you say? Well, drop a Boss V-8 into a Ford Falcon and what do you get? An overpowered car that doesn't have the shocks, brakes or structural rigidity to turn or stop well. In other words ... look out!
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Garish? Sure, but that's not our complaint. This was the height of muscle-cardom. This was when American car manufacturers figured out how to make humongous, powerful engines. Sadly, they hadn't yet figured out how to do handling, so you had an overpowered rear-wheel-drive car with no weight in the rear end. As a result, when there was half a drop of rain on the ground this thing spun around like Dizzy Dan from the Battling Tops. Anything but perfect weather, and it was totally uncontrollable.
Scary for: Firefighters and plastic surgeons
What could possibly be scarier than a car endorsed by both the Shriners' Burn Ward Fundraising Division and the League of Asbestos-Clothing Manufacturers? These cars had an unfortunate tendency to explode when hit from behind, since that's where the gas tank was located. Ford did eventually fix the problem, but the damage was done, so to speak. Being anywhere near a Pinto still gives us visions of Robert Duvall calling in airstrikes in "Apocalypse Now."
Scary for: Drivers
Here's a scary idea: Design a car so the occupants' legs are the very first line of defense in a frontal crash. Then add poor stability. Shaped like a pizza box standing on end, the Microbus blew around on the highway like Calista Flockhart in a wind tunnel. Drivers never had time to worry about these issues, though; they were too busy trying to keep themselves warm in the chilly Bus.
Scary for: Onlookers
Just take a gander at this. No wonder they named it the Thing; it was styled by the same guy who invented the cookie sheet. Thankfully, they rusted quickly enough that few remain to invoke PTSD for former owners.
Scary for: Mechanics
The Monza was designed as an economy car, so it was built to have a four-cylinder engine. Unfortunately, when sales slowed down, some geniuses at Chevy decided that what the Monza needed was a V-8, so they shoehorned one in there. The result? Half the spark plugs are almost impossible to reach; to get at them you need rappelling equipment and an air chisel. Whenever one of these beauties reared its ugly grille in front of the garage, every mechanic with more than six weeks' experience would go running for the men's room and lock the door.
Scary for: Drivers
Rolling over is fine if you've got personal knowledge of Knuckles Goldberg's wrongdoings and you're heading into the witness protection program. Rolling over at 70 miles per hour on asphalt, when you're swerving to avoid an errant chipmunk? Not so good. These cars were cheap, so they were purchased mostly by young drivers — the people most likely to end up hanging from the seat belt with four wheels in the air. Scarier still, the Samurai wasn't that much worse than other SUVs of the era.
Scary for: Drivers
Take a good look at this car. Kind of small, wouldn't you say? Now imagine yourself in a Festiva surrounded by amphetamine-snacking tractor-trailer drivers. Going 75 miles per hour. At night. In the rain. Scared yet? We sure are. We once got in trouble for saying this car came right from the factory with a funeral wreath on the grille.
Scary for: Society, the environment and therapists
When you stop to think about what kind of person would buy a Hummer, you begin to worry about the future of our country. This is a person who feels so inadequate inside that he has to drive around pretending the 82nd Airborne will be backing him up in his next argument over a parking space. On the environmental side, the Hummer burns through resources like there's no tomorrow. And if enough idiots keep driving them, there won't be.
Scary for: Onlookers
Well, now we know where the designers of the Volkswagen Thing went to work after VW canned their sorry butts. Take a good look at this vehicle — it's a tribute to the art of unfortunate compromises. Someone at GM said "take a minivan, whack off a few corners and make something we can call a utility vehicle." The car itself was not bad — rather utilitarian, actually — but it pinned the needle on the visual pollution scale.
Posted on 10/2/06
Good ole Tom and Ray are so liberal. They are always recommending Subarus and Volvos to people. They call it a recycle yard instead of a junk yard and they're on NPR for Goodness sakes!!! But I still like to listen to them because they are funny as hell even though they are pretty liberal!
Suit and tie for the men and pearl earrings with your dress for the ladies all for an afternoon drive.
LOL
Sorry, I know this joke must have been posted already, but the scariest car is one driven by a Kennedy.
2005 BMW M5
500 HP
7-speed manual available
AMC Pacer...
Even if it's posted 30 times, it's still true.
LOL
All I know about Lucas I learned on this thread. I found these too fun not to repost here, from your link.
Q: Will this kit put back ALL the smoke in a 1975 Midget wire harness? Some time ago while driving our 75 Midget smoke began pouring from under the hood, after pulling over, smoke was immediately followed by flames. A HUGE amount of smoke was lost from the wire harness (10 minutes worth before the fire deparment showed up). Your jar appears to be too small to contain the volume of smoke produced by the Midget on that day. Please specify quantity of smoke.
PS - Would you know where can get bulk replacment glue on insulation, there is none left on any part of the wire harness under the hood. The harness appears to be intact but is lacking smoke holding insulation. I'm planning on rerouting the main power buss from over top of the fuel line. This way next time I will have smoke, red hot wires without melting thru the fuel line. Thanks in advance.
Jun-09-05
A: You'll need bulk smoke, but I'd try your last suggestion before ordering any. Good luck!
Q: I wonder if you would do an exchange (with a cash adjustment in my favour). I have some bottles of 'bottom air' that was supplied by Dunlop many years ago. The advantage is that it takes up very little space as of course when you get a flat the top air in the tyre remains perfectly serviceable, it's only the bottom air that needs replacing. I will wait your reply. All the best from the UK.
Jun-09-05
A: If this is the proper bottom air for a set of 4.00X 10 Gold Seals, we may be able to work a deal. We have a '68 Moke in the shop with original rubber, and the domestic bottom air keeps migrating out. It evidently deoesn't have enough atmospheric British ambient smoke to fill the pores in the tyres.
The biggest mistake BMW made was coming out with that silly i-Drive. Another neighbor has a 740 with it, and he only uses about half a dozen functions. Oh well....
The Trabant did have a rear window defroster to keep your hands warm while you pushed it.
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