...which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
I'm familiar with the quandary. What works for me may sound impossibly simple but I vouch for its transforming effectiveness. Replace the happy intoxication of alcohol with the more potent, longer lasting high of endorphins. Also known as endomorphines, these neurotransmitters, like alcohol, kill pain. Let's face it, life is painful.
Divert your drinking money to membership at a good gym. If there are several in your area shop around and find the one you like best. Get a good basic orientation from a staff member on aerobic and weight training and then work up a sweat at least three times a week. Go even when you don't feel like you can. Go especially when you feel that way.
Or ride a bike. (Wear your helmet!)
In less than two weeks, maybe within a week, the dark clouds in your hurtin' head will start to clear. I promise.
Remain the "happy, intoxicated friend of everyone" but live long and maybe even with a reasonable sense of well being.
My opinion: writing is a lonely job, just you and your pen & paper. Adding a bottle makes it seem more lively, at least at the beginning.
I also think it might make you feel like you are writing more creatively, even though from my experience, when I looked at my drunk writing output, it was usually subpar, but I did sometimes have ideas that I might never have had while sober.
I think anyone who drinks and has no external supervision to catch him, like a job with a boss or co-workers, has a higher chance to fall into the bottle.
"Divert your drinking money to membership at a good gym. If there are several in your area shop around and find the one you like best."
Or buy a FitnessQuest 1100 HR/A elliptical trainer which has about a 3x2 foot footprint, can be wheeled around the house easily, and will give a very nice sweat drenched workout in 20 to 30 minutes. $400, UPS shipping included, and it takes about 30 minutes to assemble from the box. I did a lot of research and this was the best of the ellipticals under $1,000, and I'm happy with it.
Now, although it does an excellent job of chasing away the blues, I do confess that sticking to a regular routine is still spotty for me (I've had it for 6 weeks so far).
But I don't have to fight myself to get to the gym either, the elliptical is less than a 20 second walk from anywhere in the house.
Highly recommended.