That's where I was on June 13, 1988.
Tho raised in the church, I could not bring myself to ask for God's help with my life, and had pretty much consigned myself to drinking myself to death. So... God decided to take matters into his own hands... on the way home after spending the day at Lake Travis, helping Austin Yacht Club empty their kegs left over from the weekend's regatta, I ran off the road at a curve that I'd successfully negotiated 4 bazillion tomes before.
Hit a tree at ~40mph without my seatbelt on, went halfway thru the windshield on the passenger side..
..and walked away from it...
I laid in bed the next day, having that wreck replayed to me, over and over and over again, without a doubt in my mind as to who the 'projectionist' was. Started calling a few friends to tell them what had happened again (this was my 9th wreck & 8th totaled vehicle), until I finally called my little sister. My atheist little sister, I might add, who told me that 'perhaps God had taken my last card away'.
That was my moment of clarity, when I knew that I couldn't keep living the way I was living. Can't say that it was all peaceful feeling, more like I felt the slate was being wiped clean, and God was telling me - what do you want to do it about this, it's up to you to decide what all this means. I made it to my 1st AA meeting 2 days later. I remember when they circled up at the end of the meeting, to "close in an unusual manner' as I mis-heard the chairperson say. It was certainly an unusual manner for me.
They started the Lord's Prayer, and I could have easily thought 'Oh jeez, this is a religious cult' and decided it wasn't for me.
Instead, I remember feeling that God was talking to me once again 'See? I'm here, too, r4f. You made it to the right place'.
I got the one thing I needed that day at my first meeting - I got hope, the hope that I could actually stop drinking, after drinking pretty much every day for the prior 22 years.
It's been 18 years as of last June 14th, and for that I am grateful. I show my gratitude by working with sponsees, and still making meetings regularly, waiting for the next 'r4f' to walk in with that look of terror in their eyes that says that they have no idea how to stop.
That's the only way I can even begin to repay the debt that I owe to the folks who were sitting in my 1st meeting, waiting for me to walk in and say "My name is Ready4Freddy, and I'm an alcoholic..."
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You are yet another living proof that this can be accomplished...
Freeper in need, I hope you are seeing what you need here on this thread. We all care about you and want you to succeed! You can make it through to the far bank.