"Coffee is a dirtball who does nothing to help his own people in Darfur."
His own people! How do you define this kinship?
Given that Kofi Annan is Ghanan of Akan heritage and Darfur is in the Sudan, I presume you must take a fairly broad definition of grouping ethnic types:
Perhaps you used the following reasoning:
Approximate skin color (check), Same continent (Check) = Same people.
sounds good to me!
And Coffee likes cream in his coffee - if you get my drift! Oil for food!