I wouldn't mind one either:') You can't even pay for that kind of help any more.
I remember cleaning out the house of a friend's dead mom. In one dresser drawer we found a stash of old, old empty pill bottles. Being a nosey bastard, I asked for and received a couple of them. I took them to my GP and he was shocked at the dosages of amphetamines, some of them long discontinued, they were giving this woman back in the late 50s and early 60s. He showed them to an older doctor in the practice who said those dosages were quite normal.