Frog Loan
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday."
Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says. "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says,"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says............
"It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Now I have that song running through my head. Thanks a lot.
ROFLMAO!
The Symphony Orchestra was playing a concert in the park and was in the middle of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. The bassists in the back of the orchestra decided they had a few minutes to spare before being required to play anything, so they ran across the street to the pub for a few beers. As it was quite a windy day, before they left for the pub, they found some string to wrap around their music stands to secure their music while they were gone. Once at the tavern, they could hear the music and keep up with the progress of the piece.
Rather than leisurely enjoyment of one beer, the bassists decided they would actually prefer hasty enjoyment of multiple beers. After finishing their fourth or fifth beverage they decided that they had better hurry, because the last movement of the ninth symphony was underway. Unfortunately, two of the bassists had passed out, and had to be left behind. The others stumbled back onto the bandstand, but in their inebriated state they found they were fumbling with the string, trying to get it loose, but not having much success.
The conductor saw what was happening and instantly sized up the situation: it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, the bassists were loaded, and two men were out.