Replies

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda.
"There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
"Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and before you could snap your fingers it exploded into flames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from miles around.
When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out intact. "The fire chief ordered his men to strengthen
their attack on the blaze.
After two hours of fighting the fire another fire department was called in and the president of the chemical
company offered $100,000 to the firefighters who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a long siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the local volunteer fire
company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little fire engine raced passed
everyone and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off their rig and began to fight the fire with a
performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved
the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the
reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking. "What are you going to do with
all that money?""
Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that damn
truck".

A fellow dies on the job and his best friend says he needs to take time off to let his wife know. The supervisor says he's been trained to know how to handle such matters of delicacy and he'll do it. The super goes to the man's house and when the wife answers the door, he says " Are you the widow Jones?" she says " I'm not the widow Jones, my husband isn't dead, The super says "The fu*k he ain't".