Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
I didn't state that I was raised without a father. You must have someone else in mind. I had a great dad, and he taught me how to be a great dad.
And you know what? When you're a dad, there are always, always, always, kids around who are begging for some "daddy" attention. They stand out early, because they have to get their daddy fix from coaches and such.
People who think children raised without dads are not missing something HUGE are wrong.
That is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you know my mom? LOL!
The question was which of the two deserved MORE sympathy, and that is clearly the accident.
As for your request for stats, try google.
You're right I mistook you for another poster in this thread. I am sorry.
BTW, what is wrong with getting some Daddy attention by other male positive role models?
I understand how disconcerting it can be to find yourself unqualified to discuss something you previously thought yourself competent. Nevertheless, in familial matters, as opposed to romantic matters, it is nonetheless, true.
I agree 100%. Kids are not made out of thin air. I suppose thanks to the IVF clinics they can make that appear to be so :(
I was a single parent due to a horrible and necessary divorce. I raised two children alone, right from the start. It is impossible (almost) to be mother and father to children, as well as the sole financial, educational, emotional, spiritual, etcetcetc support. The children absolutely feel that something is missing with only one parent. Raising children is a two parent job. Some people manage fine, most don't. If there is a supportive extended family, even better. I didn't have that.
If someone is a single parent due to widowhood, it is totally different. They know Daddy (or Mommy) is not there because he can't be, not because he doesn't give a shit.
You make a good point, because I noticed that when I was growing up. All the neighborhood boys seemed to seek out my dad.........and all of them were in 2 parent homes but raising the kids was considered Mom's job and Dad needn't be involved. For years it annoyed the crap out of me because my dad was forever dealing with Little League and this and that while the other dads sat on the front steps shooting the breeze. That was back in the 60s and 70s.
In 1974/75 I was a 14 year old 9th grader helping coach Little League teams. Here it is 2006 and now I have a child in Little League and we have so many volunteers my husband is disappointed he's only been asked to help out at a practice once, and I'm not needed (so far) to man the concession booth.
And for those of us who have not yet been married and faithful for 20 years? We don't know what love is?
Nothing is wrong with providing some "daddy" attention to kids who need it, but a few minutes here and there of one on one attention is no substitute for the EXAMPLE a good dad makes. His example is what he teaches.
I learned fidelity and responsibility from my father, and my sons learned it from me.
MOST of the problem we face today regarding parenting is simply lousy fathers, men who don't meet the responsibility.
"MOST of the problem we face today regarding parenting is simply lousy fathers, men who don't meet the responsibility."
Which most of agreed way way earlier on in this thread.
I'm just an old guy who has been around a couple of blocks.
And for those of us who have not yet been married and faithful for 20 years? We don't know what love is?
If you start re-hashing Foreigner lyrics I'm outta here...
"If women waited for Mr. Right, not only would they get more out of life, there children would as well."
Well sometimes Mr. Right never comes along. Does that mean women should just resign themselves to being childless?
Is there a particular reason you have chosen to ignore the distinction between 'familial' and 'romantic'?
Nevertheless, no, unless you have either performance, or share the values and judgement of the majority of those who do have performance, you do not know what 'love' is.
Well.............yeah. Or she should get the message, she is either "looking for love in all the wrong places" or perhaps not seeing it when it's right in front of her.
We disagree.
Well sometimes Mr. Right never comes along. Does that mean women should just resign themselves to being childless?
No, of course they shouldn't "just resign themselves..." they should wear signs proclaiming the fact, post it as the outgoing message on their answering machine, and set up booths answering questions about it at the local mall. They should be forced by law to give lectures at the local high school under the program called "Scared Married" similar to Scared Straight, and do public service announcements on TV.
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