Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
Do too!
Do too!
Now it's your turn to say "nu-uh!"
I know that kids that grow up without a daddy grow up missing what God and nature intended.
Oh come on, marajade! You're supposed to fall in line with the group think here! Didn't you get the memo?
marajade is fighting the good fight, but there's simply no winning it.
Exactly--Neither can I.
It just irks me to think that people can indeed be that selfish--and then proceed to preach about being pushed on...
I agree that the article makes these women sound like having a child is like getting gum from a gumball machine. But, again, the women I know thought through this for a long time, considered every possible angle, thought, ramification, etc. before considering motherhood. They chose to have a child. And I'm sure there are thousands of other women who, after giving it considerable thought, chose not to be a single mother.
True enough. You are perfectly within your rights to disagree, but the real question is what your disagreement is predicated on, isn't it?
Can you think of any reason why a woman who can not manage to cooperate with another adult is sufficiently socialized to take sole responsibilty for socializing another person who is utterly dependent and totally powerless before her?
One thing my wife and I have learned through the years, and by observing our divorced, single, family members is marriage makes one answerable to another human being in ways that nothing else does. Dismissing the skills learned by that experience is a foolish as the deaf dismissing the qualitative advantage enjoyed by the hearing.
There are a lot of exceptions out there.
You know I sometimes why I even bother posting to this site at all. Even though I vote strictly Republican and have so for years and hold to conservative ideals... I just seem to find myself on the opposite side of most of the posters here at FR. Why is that?
EXCUSE ME...............I am a mother, my husband is the father of our child - how much more NUCLEAR FAMILY can you get than that???????
How many more times do I have to see on this thread that no woman should be a single mother unless widowed or abandoned to show me that there are absolutists who refuse to see it any other way.
I wish you luck and Godspeed in your quest to adopt a child and I commend anyone who goes through the rigid vetting process to get that far.
When my family is together with my friends' family I am thankful she chose to be a single mother and I am thankful for the man who loves her enough to consider the child she had as a teenager to be his own enough to have the paperwork going to adopt her as his own.
There are exceptions to every rule which is why I believe there are no absolutes in life; except for the exceptions of death and taxes (and even taxes can be avoided)
I knew I liked you!
Can you think of any reason why a woman who can not manage to cooperate with another adult is sufficiently socialized to take sole responsibilty for socializing another person who is utterly dependent and totally powerless before her?
Because she's so ugly, she's gotta tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her....
"I know that kids that grow up without a daddy grow up missing what God and nature intended."
Well I grew up with a Daddy but there's more to being a father than just being a man via a person's sex.
Because we tend to hear those who scream the loudest first. But just because you can scream louder than most, doesn't mean you're right.
So damn true. I see it everyday with my friends whose husbands are worthless as fathers. I can only imagine the negative impact on these kids who grow up in the illusion they have a father, when in fact, they don't.
Like I stated earlier in the thread... there's a lot to be said about receiving good psychotherapy.
Just how many positive mother-father households do you believe there are today?
"Me, me, me, I want, I want, I want, nice example mom. Whatever happened to patience is a virtue. Or, did it ever occur to these women that the reason they didn't have men in their lives to father their own children is because the men didn't think they were a suitable for motherhood?"
Well, obviously the women thought they were suitable for motherhood as they sought it out. Seems like a pretty strong urge on their part, if you ask me. And, let's not take the responsibility on the part of men out of the equation here either. Remember the old phrase why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Too many men want the sex, but not the responsibility of fatherhood.
Meanwhile, a woman's biological clock keeps ticking on. Now, if she wants motherhood, which most women do, she's got a bit of a conundrum going for her here. She needs to strike while the iron is hot, or forget about motherhood. Many, many women will opt for motherhood, one way or the other. Adoption, foster care, sperm banks, whatever it takes. Easy for married women to say they shouldn't bring a child into the world when they already have theirs. A lot harder when for a variety of reasons, many women, because so many men nowadays shy away from marriage and its responsibilities, will be out of luck child-wise unless they do something about it fast. Women know that as each year passes, their chances of procreating decrease.
One always hopes for the ideal situation, a loving husband who wants children, but that's not so easy to find anymore. And the joys of raising a child outweigh most other considerations. Raising a child if you have the finances to do so, can work just fine. Although obviously, many poor people have children all the time too, in fact more so than rich people. A single friend of mine adopted two children from another country and both are smart kids, turning out wonderfully. She has them in a religious school, and they go to church every Sunday. She's got the money to do so, and a job that allows great flex time for her to properly raise the kids. Everything has worked out extremely well for both her and her children. Now, she's single. Those 2 kids didn't have a chance in the country they were orphans in. They would have had a miserable life. Now they have a good one.
The instinct for motherhood is great, and that isn't only for those who were lucky enough to have found the right mate who actually wanted to get married. Good for them. But what about all of the other women out there, especially in these modern times when too many men are weak, feminized, metrosexual, playboys, and want no responsibilities. There's two sides to this subject.
There are no shortage of people eager to tell you how best to live your life. Oddly, none of them seem all that happy. They tend to go around with an attitude of grim determination and looking as if they're constantly smelling something bad.
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