I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd and keeping old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve I knew better dead than red
But when I got to my old draft board, buddy, this is what I said:
CHORUS:
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen, and I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse
O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school, and I'm working in a defense plant
I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back, I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits, and I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes, I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me, I'd probably start to sneeze
CHORUS:
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen, and I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse
O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school, and I'm working in a defense plant
I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies, but one thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there, and that someone isn't me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em Hell, Yeah, Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore, Well I'll be the first to go
I can almost see and hear Charlie Daniels laughing and singing that just to make the leftist weenies cry. :D