LISTER: What is he capable of?
On the wall behind them is a glass-fronted fire cabinet containing a large axe. The lock on the cabinet flips open.
KRYTEN: Well, we've seen hex vision. Almost certainly, like Lanstrom, he'll be capable of telepathy and possibly even telekinesis.
CAT: Tele-kiny-what-a-noose?
The glass cover of the cabinet swings open. The axe begins to twitch.
KRYTEN: The ability to move objects purely by the power of the mind.
The axe flies from the cabinet, narrowly missing CAT and LISTER and slamming into KRYTEN's back.
LISTER: Kryten, man, are you OK?
KRYTEN: I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. That sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day.
LISTER pulls the fire axe out of KRYTEN's spine, at which point it is yanked from his hands and thrown across the room. KRYTEN starts twitching, and is pulled to a nearby pillar, talking nonsense as he goes.
KRYTEN: Hihi-hidi-hidi-whurdidjid. Two and one-half badgers, please! Hi-yi-yi-yi-yi! (He bashes his head against the pillar.) No, I'll eat them here. Whap! An-dingling! Wha-hoo-hoo! An-da-an-shoo-an-shoo. (He head-butts the pillar again.) Ah, that's better. Maybe now I can WIN SELF-DETERMINATION FOR THE SOUTH MOLDAVIAN PEOPLE! Nick-noo-nick-noo-nick-ank (Once again, he assaults the pillar with his head.) Ah, I think I'm OK now.
Would you like some ketchup for your lobster?
I could use a Moldovian badger dumped down my pants today. Dang Fridays!!!
I hate days like this.
Or he could just take his penguin for a walk...or watch the Bolivian Navy on maneauvers in the South Pacific!!!
I love Red Dwarf. Thanks for the laugh on a weird and bewildering day.