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And In Other News:

CAL-TECH SCIENTISTS TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, FIX 1919 WORLD SERIES

Pomona, CA – Scientists at Cal-Tech University have executed the first practical application of time travel by fixing the 1919 World Series. The experimental measure was pulled off after a 2-month long string of time-travel snafus. At present, the second phase of the project is being conducted by researchers and historians, who are attempting to note the historical differences due to the actions of the travelers. These differences are what are referred to as the "ripple effect."

In late April of this year, the Inter-Dimensional Project (IDP) felt that they had made enough advances to begin. They sent a literal guinea pig back in time to the year 1975 for a duration of 10 minutes and then returned it to the laboratory. The rodent’s molecular structure was intact and he seemed completely normal. He was unable to share his field observations because of obvious communication problems.

After similar tests with a dog, a bison and a chimpanzee, the project began sending humans on May 22 for 12-hour test trips. Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 human test subjects sent back to 1919 returned molecularly sound, but dead from drowning. It was later learned that the prototype version of the time travel apparatus placed the test subjects at random locations on Earth. A casualty on May 25 was calculated to have drowned 300 miles off the coast of Argentina in the Atlantic Ocean. A successful time traveler reported being transported to a meadow in Northern New Zealand.

After weeks of "going back to the drawing board" as IDP Project Manager Glenn Glendon described it, the project’s designers were able to refine their technique and the next prototype was able to use fixed geographic coordinates as well as time-based coordinates. After several successful test, they set their sites on seeing how time travel actions affect subsequent history. Their first mission: Fixing the 1919 World Series.
Initially, IDP planners had set their sights on stopping the fix of the 1919 World Series by the Chicago White Sox. But this idea catapulted their project development team into debate, rancor and confusion when they tried to reason how they would even be able to know of the baseball incident if they successfully prevented it from happening. During extensive think-tank sessions, two IDP project managers had what psychiatrists described as "logic-related mental breakdowns", according to Glendon.

In the interest of researcher sanity, the Cal-Tech team decided to send back 3 time travelers armed with satchels full of 1918 currency. These time travelers would execute their own fix of the series. Beforehand, all of recorded human history was stored onto CD-roms and taken with the travelers in order to compare with the resulting history after the time travel.

The 3-man team went back, met with White Sox players and executed their "fix." One interesting note was that they did not bribe White Sox second baseman Eddie Collins. Upon returning, the research team notes that on the CD-rom which documented the "now-alternate", pre-time-travel history, Collins had been in on the fix, which was well-documented in the popular John Sayles film "Nine Men Out" starring Bronson Pinchot. Apparently, this is one of the "ripples" the IDP researchers was able to uncover.

It is difficult to conceive of the results of the project because when changing prior events, the resultant history is now the actual history as we have all known it. But the "alternate history" (the events that occurred before the time-travel project) is reflected on the CD-roms which were taken back to 1919 and then returned with the time travellers.

The specially-assembled historical research team at Cal-Tech is still searching through the data looking for differences in the alternate history and present history. So far, their findings have included these "alternate" events:

- The Boston Red Sox were the dominant team in baseball for four decades, led by Hall of Famers Joe Dimaggio, Bob Feller, Ernie Banks, Jimmie Foxx, Hank Aaron and Chuck Berry.
- Chicago was the beer manufacturing capitol of the nation, not Milwaukee.
- The McDonald’s trademark was 3 golden arches, instead of the one we know with 2.
- Linoleum was never invented.
- Researchers are baffled by many of the differences. Further analysis will continue.

At present, the IDP have no projects slated in the immediate future. Long-range plans include time-travel aimed at the prevention of the Kennedy assassination, the safe passage of the Titanic and also a trip for researchers to Mardi Gras in 1979 so they could "screw like banshees in the pre-AIDS era."