Just for a little grown-up silliness (somehow that doesn't sound right, oh well).
Sierra Vista Herald
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 11:43 PM MST
Commentary by Phil Vega
Herald/Review
Quote of the day: “My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.” — Adlai Stevenson Jr. (1900-1965).
Two weeks ago there was a joke about whether a customer should choose paper or plastic while at the grocery store. The answer, if you’ll recall, was that the customer said it didn’t make a difference because he was “bisackual.”
An astute reader called and asked me if I knew the reason why baggers ask this question to begin with? I didn’t. So he told me it was because “baggers can’t be choosers.”
I reported last week that the two local Rotary clubs were sponsoring a “4-Way Test” speech contest. The information came from a press release from the clubs mentioned: the Sierra Vista Noon and the Sunrise clubs. The next day, I was advised via phone call that all four Sierra Vista Rotary clubs were sponsoring the contest. The two left out: The Sierra Vista South and Sierra Vista West clubs.
Much is being said in the media about the return of “real” country music. Hence, here are some new song titles we’d like to hear.
15. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Getting Better
10. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight ‘Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
9. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight
8. I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like Having You Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She’s Looking Better After Every Beer
1. I Haven’t Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, but I’ve Sure As Hell Woke Up With A Few.
Just what do grown ups get from children?
Sierra Vista Herald
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 11:43 PM MST
Commentary by Phil Vega
Herald/Review
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn’t even touch college tuition.
But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
$8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That’s a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don’t have children if you want to be “rich.” Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?
Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
Giggles under the covers.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
Finger-paint
Carve pumpkins
Play hide-and-seek
Catch lightning bugs
Never stop believing in Santa Claus.
BTTT