Posted on 03/14/2006 3:21:17 PM PST by Libloather
‘Brokeback' an Oscar? What about Ray Nagin?
If you're like me, you've had it with all the hype about “Brokeback Mountain.”
Practically every major media enterprise in the nation has proclaimed it the front-runner to win Best Picture at the Academy Awards program on March 5. Not that we needed them to tell us. It was loudly proclaimed - even before the film's release to theaters - that this picture, about two sheepherders who give new meaning to the phrase “on the back forty,” would take all the major Oscars.
Even my editor - no cowboy himself, although some days we can hear him whistling “Happy Trails” from his office - has jumped on the bandwagon.
Why just the other day, after hearing my complaint about the endless barrage of hype, he issued this warning: “Keep complaining, and I'll put the next ‘Brokeback Mountain' story on the front page!”
And to this, I ask why.
Why are we celebrating this film as the greatest thing in cinema since the introduction of buttered popcorn?
To be fair, it could very well be an outstanding movie. Trouble is, I've heard from people who saw “Crash” and “Walk the Line” and said those pictures should be given serious Oscar consideration. The difference: They saw those movies without the benefit of advance publicity. Sure there were trailers and maybe a couple of talk show appearances, but nowhere near the barrage of “front-runner” and “Oscar favorite” commentary that “Brokeback” got even before its release.
To win an award, you have to produce a convincing portrayal of a work of fiction. Make people believe, at least for the moment, that what you're saying is true.
So I ask again, why are we celebrating “Brokeback Mountain,” when the past year has brought us so many other performances that - in the spirit of Red Buttons (you old timers know where I'm going with this) - never got an Oscar?
*NBA Commissioner David Stern, whose league makes millions of dollars off the hip-hop culture, said, “This ain't Rap City. We need a dress code.”
He never got an Oscar!
*The executives at NBC sports who said viewers would see “the best U.S. Olympic team ever assembled.”
And speaking of the games:
*Bode Miller.
Enough said.
*Keeping with sports, there's the inimitable (sorry, I just wanted to use that word) Terrell Owens, who said, “I'm the hardest-working player on the team. I need a vacation.”
*And New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who did his best impression of Rodney Dangerfield when he said: “We don't get no respect.”
It's a travesty that this man ... never ... got ... an Oscar.
Of course, no commentary on acting would be complete without mentioning politics.
*Vice President Dick Cheney, who, after accidentally shooting his friend on a hunting trip, said, “Quit playing, Harry. Get up!”
A technical merit award should go to the Kenedy County (Texas) Sheriff's Department, whose investigation found that no crime had been committed and ruled out the possibility that Cheney had been drunk.
Well, duh! They didn't even interview Cheney until the next day. Given enough time, even Ricky Williams could pass a drug test.
*President Bush, after adamantly vowing that he would uphold the deal that turns operation of several major U.S. ports to a company owned by the United Arab Emirates, said, “Don't worry.”
Oscar consideration must be given to an administration that says spying on Americans is legal while we're “in a war against terrorism,” but then turns around and welcomes a Middle Eastern nation that only a few years ago was suspected of having ties to Osama bin Laden.
Finally, Hurricane Katrina produced several Oscar-worthy performances.
*Then-Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff, while attending a bird flu seminar in Atlanta the day after Katrina hit, said, “You see one hurricane, you've seen them all. How bad can it be?”
*Michael Brown, who said during a flyover of the flooded areas, “Gee, the Gulf looks nice this time of year. When do we reach land?”
He never got an Oscar!
*Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco, who said, “Levees? We don't need no steenkin' levees.”
And let's not forget ...
*New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, who said, “Water, water everywhere. We be backstrokin' in Chocolate City?”
All together now:
He never ... got ... an Oscar!
Woodrow Wilkins Jr. is a staff writer with the Delta Democrat Times.
The Mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, applauds the congregation of the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church in Houston, Texas, Sunday, March 5, 2006. (AP Photo/Tim Johnson)
This piece will never get an Oscar...
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