I live in MNY---and know lots and lots of gay folks----dykes, trannie the whole lot. But as far as gay men go--I am talking adult men--not children who are still in some stage of development. There are all sorts of outward behavior. The vast majority have some kind of feminized behavior. Maybe they will dress comformatively--but mannerisms, interests, etc are not only feminized, but uber feminized. A good portion of straight women I know aren't as fixated on such things as many gay men are. Then you have a smaller group of gay men who are into being masculine--just that they prefer to have sex with a man rather than a woman. I know I am not attempting to answer any questions such as which came first the chicken or the egg---oh hell, blame on a queer rooster.
a spectrum of "gayness"
here's a Specter of gayness