Or you can abandon modern American theology and return to the teachings of earlier theologians.
Well, if you are familiar with the theological chaos of the 2nd and 3rd centuries, you could probably find justification for just about any postion. But the general tenor would be considered sweepingly radical by today's standards, except for the truly far-out evangelicals.
I did kind of like Tertullian's postition on earrings and tattoos, however.