How you choose to define "theory" is not relevant to this poll. The definition of "theory" is far broader than the limits you impose here.
"The problem is that not reading in the context of a scientific theory creates a false equivocation."
Only if you choose to believe that one theory is superior to the other. The fact remains, both theories share the common characteristics of being unproven and relying on speculation to be believed.
"The problem is that presenting non-scientific theories as equal to scientific theories requires re-defining science in such a way as to make any rational inquiry impossible."
No. It doesn't.