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You unintentionally raise a good point. My wife would be MISERABLE staying at home with our son; she has said so herself...she would get stir crazy and lonely. Nothing harms a child more than a persistently and visibly unhappy parent.

Yes no one wants an unhappy parent. But want about the unhappy child. When you buy a house and car you have to take care of it. Why does no one HAVE TO take care of a child?

Your wife shouldn't have had a child if she wasn't prepared to take care of said child. Pathetic!

"Nothing harms a child more than a persistently and visibly unhappy parent."

I see. So it is for your son's sake, is it?

You know, Dinoparty, I hear this a lot and I am going to make a comment that I hope you will not take as criticism, but rather a perspective born of time and experience.

I stayed home with my children until they were both in school. (Now I get home when they do.) Staying home with them is the single most difficult thing I have ever done. I am not a baby person, or a "little kid" person by nature. It was exhausting, isolating, sometimes otherworldly. I got stir crazy and sometimes looked at my days and longed for a time when "I got something accomplished" in an organized and linear way. I got lonely sometimes. I missed adult interaction, the opportunity to "speak in complete adult sentences." I did volunteer work and ran a business from my home at night...did I mention I was exhausted? My husband was exhausted as well. He sometimes felt lonely and on the outside looking in. He missed what we had before the kids came a long. He worked long, difficult hours and still made time for the family. It was HARD, HARD work.

We were also "poor" in material things. It was rugged financially. There were days when we paid for the necessities out of the change we could find in the sofa cushions. Made deals with the electric company or the water providers to "can you wait one more week before you turn it off." Fortunately, we have a generous extended family who gave us enormous support, but they are not rich either, so it's not like "daddy paid our way." But I don't want to minimize the enormity of their contribution, because I feel so much gratitude.

The point is this: it was a VERY small part of the total of my life. It was only 10 years. TEN years. With God's grace, perhaps 1/8th of my life. Ten years of sacrifice of "how I feel" or "what I want" for a lifetime of success and happiness and health of my children. While at the time it seemed huge and never ending, it seems like so little and so short now. I remember it with such love and affection. I miss it in theory, although probably not so much in actuality.

We are fortunate to have children who, while not perfect by any measure, are polite, thoughtful, empathetic and not prone to peer pressure. Those are difficult character traits to develop in daycare or nursery school.

My husband and I KNOW them as well as any other human being on earth. We know their weaknesses and their strengths. We've learned to face and accept our own weakness and strengths and work to make progress.

Most of all, we've come to understand that our children are our greatest task, and our only lasting contribution to this world. I want to know, even if things do not turn out the way I hope and pray, that I did everything in my power to make that legacy something that makes the world a better place for YOUR children, as well as my own.

So, I'm going to disagree with you and say that you are denying yourself the greatest opportunity in life. You are making an excuse. Nothing harms a child more, than believing that his parents "feelings" and "comfort" are more important than his well being. I realize it is harsh. But I don't say that because of some sort of cold perfectionist driven ideal. I say it because I want you to know that satisfaction may not be what you feel while you are going through something, but what you feel when the task is completed.

I wish you every success, and all the happiness in the world. And your son as well.

My wife would be MISERABLE staying at home with our son; she has said so herself...she would get stir crazy and lonely. Nothing harms a child more than a persistently and visibly unhappy parent.

No. Nothing harms a child more than a petulant and self-absorbed parent.

My wife would be MISERABLE staying at home with our son;

Wow. I wonder if you realize how sad that statement actually sounds. As a husband, aren't you offended/hurt that your wife is made miserable by being around your own child? I consider it an extension of my love for my husband that I love, care for and educate OUR children. If I rejected raising our children, I can't help but think he would feel, in some part, rejected himself. He would also be wondering why we had a family in the first place. Did she not want a child or did she just think she would feel differently? It can be hard, lonely and even frustrating work staying home with babies and young children, but the time is actually short in the grand scheme of things and very well spent in the end.