By definition, your discussions would have been with someone who you submit is in denial.
More than one person. And yes, in part they are in denial. They deny that what they're doing is disordered, and they attempt to rationalize -- and normalize -- what they're doing with incredibly childish arguments.
The "best" (and most revealing) argument they've got is "don't you feel sorry for me because I can't have sex the way I want to?" In my experience, it has always come down to that.
There's a childish selfishness to them -- and we both know how destructive childish behavior can be.