Customer: "I've been ringing your call centre on 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre."
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."
Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing
Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and
tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore
and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use
your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand
side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button
displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
Tech support:
Tech Support:: "What operating system are
you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Customer: "My computer's telling me I
performed an illegal abortion."
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there
a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying
there's an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if
there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say
now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"