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'Devil wives' getting a bad rap--many husbands think they are the cat's meow
asahi.com ^ | 01/14/2006 | haruko ishii, The Asahi Shimbun

Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity

She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.

Sound familiar?

It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.

Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.

"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.

But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.

As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.

After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.

"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.

For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.

Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.

His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.

In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."

Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."

The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."

Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."

These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.

"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."

People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.

While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.

"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."

"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."

"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."

Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."

Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.

When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.

As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."

Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."

"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.

"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Japan; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: areyoukiddingme; ephesians5vs21thru33; husband; husbandbox; husbandloveyourwife; japan; japanping; manbox; marriage; oniyome; submittingmasochist; test; wifesubmittohusband; wivesdonotsubmit
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To: AmericanInTokyo

Bummer you're on hiatus AIT. This is a good one!


101 posted on 01/15/2006 9:01:06 AM PST by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: DTogo

Doing lifestyle goodness since 2005.


102 posted on 01/15/2006 9:01:11 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: tarheelswamprat

Which One ? The dog has more teeth than the snag.


103 posted on 01/15/2006 9:01:51 AM PST by Westlander (Unleash the Neutron Bomb)
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To: Dashing Dasher; PaulaB; Allegra

Wow, thanks for the ping, my dear Dashing Dasher. This is riiiiiiiggght up MY alley!


104 posted on 01/15/2006 9:02:02 AM PST by peacebaby (Good morning heartache, if you're gonna stay, you gotta get a job, I've got bills to pay.)
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To: dsc

I did not insult your wife.


105 posted on 01/15/2006 9:02:57 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: chasio649
Oh, OK. ;-) I DO have a sense of humor.

The woman-haters just get a little old. I find it disappointing that FR seems to have so many.

Some of the best guys I know back home, though, are FReepers.

106 posted on 01/15/2006 9:04:08 AM PST by Allegra (I'm Wearing New Socks!)
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To: LoudRepublicangirl

Amen!


107 posted on 01/15/2006 9:04:13 AM PST by Conservative Goddess (Politiae legibus, non leges politiis, adaptandae)
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To: Excuse_My_Bellicosity

The cost of divorce is too high for most men. They just put up with it instead.


108 posted on 01/15/2006 9:04:28 AM PST by chris1
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To: Drew68

My mother married someone who was born in another country.

You are missing the point. But, that's okay.


109 posted on 01/15/2006 9:04:44 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: chasio649
Hey...noticed your homepage...how do you like the Hiwatt? are you a tube snob?

Of course. Tubes rule! Though those little Marshall solid state practice amps aren't bad.

And no, that's not my Hiwatt pictured. That's my dream amp. Sadly, at this time in my life I can't justify spending $4000 plus for the head and cabinet combo. Maybe sometime down the road.

I do own a 100 watt all tube Fender Dual Showman halfstack. That baby rocks pretty good! I have my eyes on a Marshall 50 watt DSL head that a guy I know is letting go for a pretty good price.

110 posted on 01/15/2006 9:04:59 AM PST by Drew68
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To: Dashing Dasher

"I did not insult your wife."

Seems to me like you did. This crap of denigrating every foreign wife of an American man as a "mail-order bride" is a disgrace to FR.


111 posted on 01/15/2006 9:05:06 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: Allegra
Some of the best guys I know back home, though, are FReepers.

They are a fine group of men.

;-)

112 posted on 01/15/2006 9:07:16 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: pbrown
If a husband let's the wife make all the decisions at home...he's never wrong and can't be blamed for a mistake she made.

The husband can always get blamed for it. "But you knew I was making the wrong choice and you still let me do it! It's all your fault!"

113 posted on 01/15/2006 9:07:55 AM PST by whd23
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To: dsc

Fine... you can read anything you want into my comments.

Delusion or real - have fun with it.


114 posted on 01/15/2006 9:08:13 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: Drew68

I like tube amps...had a couple....but for sheer fun and versatility...try these babies!!!!! :)

http://line6.com/flextoneiii/


_____________


sorry to hijack the thread...resume to regularly scheduled program ;)


115 posted on 01/15/2006 9:09:16 AM PST by chasio649
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To: dsc; Dashing Dasher

Guess you haven't read many of the threads posted here on FR.


116 posted on 01/15/2006 9:09:36 AM PST by marajade (Yes, I'm a SW freak!)
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To: Drew68
Only to be followed soon thereafter by the brigade of "FReminists" and their unbridled contempt for those of us who dared to marry someone from another country.

I don't have a problem with people marrying someone from another country. I'd do it if I fell in love with a non-American.

What we find annoying (and I am NOT a feminist, but I'm not some subservient type, either) is men who tell us how anad why they don't like American women and go on and on about it. And they use insulting generalities.

And it happens more than you'd think.

117 posted on 01/15/2006 9:11:01 AM PST by Allegra (I'm Wearing New Socks!)
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To: Dashing Dasher

"Delusion or real - have fun with it."

There's a lot more common decency in "having fun with" my remarks than in ridiculing men with foreign wives as the "Mail Order Bride" crew, which insults their wives by calling them mail-order brides.

And that's all it is, really: a matter of common decency.


118 posted on 01/15/2006 9:11:27 AM PST by dsc (Islamic sexual violence against women should be treated as the repressive epidemic it is.)
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To: dsc

I'm not going to argue with you.


119 posted on 01/15/2006 9:12:10 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: dsc
Seems to me like you did. This crap of denigrating every foreign wife of an American man as a "mail-order bride" is a disgrace to FR.

I often have to hold my tongue on these threads. Fortunately I'm not drinking right now or I'd probably write a few posts that I'd regret later.

120 posted on 01/15/2006 9:12:57 AM PST by Drew68
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