Posted on 01/11/2006 11:38:34 AM PST by raccoonradio
So Ted Kennedy is writing a children’s book. With his dog, named, of all things, Splash.
Well, okaaaay. According to the press release from the publisher, Ted’s tome will run only 56 pages, but this is a guy who Monday called Judge Alito “Alioto,” and who last year referred to the junior senator from Illinois as “Osama Obama.” And if you don’t believe me, just ask the Congressman, “Andy Meehan,” as Teddy once introduced him.
Let’s just hope Splash is in charge of the fact-checking for the book. But there’s another problem with this May release from Scholastic Books, and that’s its title: “My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C.”
C’mon, Sen. Kopechne — I mean, Kennedy. You can do better than that.
Here are a few suggestions from me and some of my listeners, with apologies to the authors of the originals:
Make Way for Gin Blossoms. Willy Wonka and the Vodka Factory. Frosty the Bad Ice Cube. The Little Oldsmobile that Couldn’t. Me and My Air Pocket. Heather Has Two Toddies. Through the Drinking Glass. Teddy Kennedy and the Goblet of Firewater.
Booze Clues. Where in the World is Mary Jo?
Has the senator considered a rhyming work, a la Dr. Seuss? Green Eggs and Ham could be retitled Green Beers and Scotch.
“I love to drink it from a jar/ I love to drink it in my car/ I love to drink it without pants/I swill it whenever I get the chance”
My Liver Has a Quiver. Horton Hears a Siren. Bartholomew and the Field Sobriety Test. Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. 20,000 Beers Under the Sea. Das Oldsmobile. The Old Man and the Sea.
What is the book about, you ask? Oddly, not hopscotch. It’s about a day in the life of the senator, and of course, Splash the Wonder Dog. I’m guessing the first chapter is, “Hair of the Dog.”
I predict trouble by lunchtime, when Sen. Dodd arrives at Ted’s office and suggests lunch at La Brasserie. At this point, Splash begins whining and nuzzling Ted, the way Lassie used to do with Gramps when Timmy fell into a mineshaft.
Ted says, “Er, uh, don’t worry, Splash. Sen. Dodd and I won’t be long. We’re just going to have a . . . sandwich.” Then he winks at Dodd and off they go, singing “99 bottles of beer on the wall.”
Title of next chapter: “Waitress, There’s a Fly in My Pants!”
Actually, if this is successful, you could have a whole series of Kennedy children’s books. All the kids could do their own works, even the ones who aren’t coming down for breakfast anymore.
Michael Kennedy: “Adventures in Babysitting.”
Remember William Kennedy Smith, the nephew who beat the rape charge in Palm Beach? “The Girl with the Blue Dot.”
Then there’s Joe Kennedy, most recently heard on the radio talking about “ice,” a subject near and dear to all members of his clan. I can think of two books he can author: “Pam Kelley on Line 2, Congressman,” and “Hey Kids, Dad Needs a Match for the Fireworks!”
Maybe the whole family can collaborate.
Harvard for Dummies. Harvard for Rummies. Drunk and Drunker.
But Ted is the patriarch, and with any luck, this is the first of a series. Perhaps a tribute to other artists. From Driving Miss Daisy to Driving Miss Mary Jo. Shel Silverstein: “Where the Sidewalk Ends, and the Pond Begins.”
It could be the start of a trend, Massachusetts politicians writing children’s books. I’m available to help Tom Reilly ghost his initial entry. The working title would be, “The $10,000 Barbecue in Southboro.”
LOL, you're on a roll!
Hooked on Tonics
“O Captain, My Captain Morgan & Coke”.
ROTFLMAO !!!!!!
OMG, this is priceless. I am laughing so hard right now I cannot catch my breath. co-workers are suggesting the Heimlick maneuver on me.
"Hooked on Tonics"
LOL - that is GREAT!
ROFLMBO!!!
Howie is currently running the incoherent Kennedy vs.
Specter exchange (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1556148/posts)
"Kennedy does have a law degree, he did pass the bar--I know,
it's the only bar he ever _passed_...and he doesn't know the singular of "alumni" is "alumnus"--Howie (Howie also has some
"Wizard of Uhs" cuts to air at 6 pm Eastern. howiecarr.com
(count the number of uhs!)
I haven't heard the cut yet but I am going with "14" as my pick. :-)
Writing children's books won't absolve one of murder. Just ask Tookie. Oops! I guess you can't!
Isn't his campaign slogan "A Blonde in Every Pond"?
who's the tall skinny man behind the dog?
Seen on the Alito thread, over at Little Green Footballs:
"Eat, Drink and Sink Mary"
Ba Da BOOM!
Shouldn't the thread be retitled, 'Ted's Toddy Tome"...?
Everything else notwithstanding, shouldn't it be "My Senator and I"? SD
Ha! Here, Chivas. Here, Chivas. C'mere Chivas.
And yes, pic is misleading. Way too thin, and nose
NOT red.
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