i think one difference is that people don't see their kids behavior as a reflection of their parenting skills. they don't take it personally if their kid misbehaves, it is as if the kid sprang up, fully formed from the earth. i have seen this attitude with even good friends of mine, raised in the same era by similar parents. it always astounded me. if and when my kids misbehaved i was always embarrassed because i realized it WAS a reflection on me. too often now, parents will just look at you and shrug as if to say, what can you do, kids will be kids. that is just a total abdication of personal responsibility for your children.
Discipline based in this philosophy had another advantage: one behaved when Mom/Dad weren't even along on the outing. Who can forget Mom yelling as I went out the door, "Remember who you are!!!"
I have two boys, 8 and 11, and if I see them sitting there perfectly quiet and still, even in public, I'd probably get a little worried and check their foreheads for a fever. Kids are going to be kids, I think there is an element in this country that doesn't have any patience for that concept and expects kids to be little adults sitting there seen and not heard. But again, in my book there's a difference between kids being kids and kids being out of control. Parents can't stop kids from being kids. But they absolutely CAN stop their kids from being out of control, and I don't think it's an unfair expectation to expect them to do so.
Excellent point. I still see my 20something kids behavior as a reflection on me. And yes, I can look back and see some things I wish I had done differently.
susie
I had an AWFUL experience about a month ago; I took my second grandsons to karate class when the new baby came; we got there early because I wasn't sure how to get there and the boys were playing with a ball, just rolling it between them on the floor.
It wasn't long before some other parents showed up with their kids and let them completely run wild while they were on their cellphones; one of the little bullies took the ball away from my kids and sort of played "keep away" from them, actually taunting them, while their mothers stared in the opposite directions.
I wasn't sure what I, as the grandmother, should do (I think you know what I would have done...LOL) because I didn't know for sure if they were friends of my stepdaughters or not -- and (believe it or not) I didn't want to make a scene in front of MY kids) -- I just wasn't sure of the "social dynamics," you know?
Shortly before class, the oldest one developed a "stomach ache" and didn't want to go into class; I decided not to make a big deal out of it and we just went grocery shopping.
It was a weird feeling for ME not to jump somebody, but I just wasn't sure how to handle it.
I know kids that were raised by very good parents, yet they turned out to be scum. I've also seen kids in horrible families turn out great despite their parents screw ups.
Think anything you like but people have minds of their own. Kids don't always grow up to be fine upstanding adults just because parents were doing a good job raising them