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In light of the second french revolution now occurring throughout france, rumours abound!
Is there any truth to these following reports?

1. Chirac is now wondering whatever happened to the french foreign legion?

2. Chirac has responded to the burning of Paris by considering registering to learn how to play the fiddle?

3. Chirac has officially declared that the flounder is france’s national fish, and regards it as a fitting example for all to emulate.

4. Chirac has ordered the Renault and Peugeot car plants to double their vehicle production in order to appease the rioting malcontent patriots who might be offended by a lack of available vehicles to set afire.

5. Chirac has flipped a coin, 2 out of 3 times, and officially declared arson, rioting, and baseball to be new french national sports, and has proposed that everyone be provided with their own baseball bat to foster a new physical activity initiative?

6. Chirac is actively searching for Bagdad Bob to offer him the position of french national propaganda minister.

7. John Kerry, who has been commissioned by the french government to draw up an unconditional offer of surrender, intends to rush to Europe to conduct a straw poll to determine whether there is universal agreement on this subject.

8. The U.N. will convene an emergency meeting of its Security Council to immediately propose at the next occurrence of a blue moon that the issue of insurrection in france be tabled for discussion at a later date, sometime this century?

9. The french government has proposed the adoption of a new national flag - white, with a crescent (croissant) emblazoned on it, to demonstrate submission to the radical muslim world?

10. The french government has proposed that the Arc de Triomphe be renamed the Arc de Capitulation?

11. The french parliament has proposed the adoption a new national anthem - Mad jihadists from Armentiers, Parlez Vous?

12. The french parliament is reconsidering the advantages and disadvantages of referring to their capitol city as Gay Paris?

13. The french tourist industry is trying to encourage foreigners to visit Paris by describing the arson activities as fascinating multi location pyrotechnic displays.

14. The french parliament will ensure that, in order to foster universal human rights, radical muslim jihadists be designated and protected as a visible majority.

15. The french parliament is considering reinstating the death penalty for non radical muslims by resurrecting the guillotine as the preferred method of execution, so as to foster an appreciation of middle east culture?

16. The french parliament will commission a new cemetery - Flounders Fields - to inter all french politicians who do not show any signs of mental or physical activity for at least one week, or maybe two or three..........?

17. The french army, in recognition of a need to improve relations with Americans, intends to introduce a new marching tune, an adaptation of a popular Charlie Daniels song, which will be called - The Devil Came Down to Paris ....................... he was looking for a soul to steal?

18. The french minister of foreign affairs, Pepe Le Pieu, has decided to emigrate to LaLa Land, and John Kerry is scheduled to officially welcome him as a true democrat?

19. Chirac is actively seeking asylum in Russia, but only on the condition that his unlimited supply of foie gras continues uninterrupted?