Posted on 10/17/2005 7:21:55 AM PDT by Millee
Brother Kenneth Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons; pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo; fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise."
Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000- word letter to parents.
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is, rather, the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake - in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects."
"Each year, it gets worse - becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he added. "We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. (The school) is willing to sponsor a prom but not an orgy."
The move brought a mixed, albeit passionate, reaction from students and parents at the Roman Catholic school, which is owned by the Society of Mary (Marianists), a religious order of priests and brothers.
"I don't think it's fair, obviously, that they canceled prom," said senior Alyssa Johnson of Westbury. "There are problems with the prom, but I don't think their reasons or the actions they took solved anything."
Hoagland began talking about the future of the prom last spring after 46 Kellenberg seniors made a $10,000 down payment on a $20,000 rental in the Hamptons for a post-prom party. When school officials found out, they forced the students to cancel the deal; the kids got their money back, and the prom went on as planned. But some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway, Hoagland said.
Amy Best, an associate professor of sociology and anthropology at George Mason University in Virginia and the author of "Prom Night: Youth, Schools and Popular Culture," said this is the first time she has heard of a school canceling the prom for such reasons.
"A lot of people have lamented the growing consumption that surrounds the prom," she said, noting it is not uncommon for students to pay $1,000 on the dance and surrounding costs: expensive dresses, tuxedo rentals, flowers, limousines, pre- and post-prom parties.
Edward Lawson, the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom without the sponsorship of the 2,500- student school.
"I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts."
Some parents picking up their children on a recent afternoon said they support Hoagland.
"The school has excellent values," said Margaret Cameron of Plainview, N.Y. "We send our children here because we support the values and the administration of the school, and I totally back everything they do."
hiya XS;
my thoughts are that the behavior enough is enough to warrant the cancellation.
i also don't think that the school has any right, moral or otherwise to tell parents how to spend their money.
that said, they DO have every right to disapprove, not endorse or sanction that which conflicts with their teachings.
the only thing a church person (priest/minister/rabbi) ever told me about money was to give them more of it.
if his major problem was the behavior, then why mention other aspects?
Read the two letters on the website and you will change your mind. We should all know better than to trust the AP.
"He's saying that spending money on a party and showing off is worse than the drugs/booze/sex. This just sounds like something from the rat agenda."
Hey, we have one out-of-context quote. You read it that way, I read it differently. The fair thing is to give the guy a chance to explain what he really thinks, don't you think?
Is the Right of Passage the same thing as the Right of Passing Out
Right on, brother!
My family lost EVERYTHING in a house fire in 2002 - something like that changes your perception of things. It was a life-changing event for me. We still buy clothes at Goodwill even though we could afford to spend much more at the mall, because we got used to it. We cook at home a lot more instead of eating out every night.
Unfortunately most people don't understand the enormous pressure brought to bear upon parents (especially teenagers) to keep up with the Jones'. Our kids (8&9) already mildly resent our frugal ways; I'm sure in a few years when they're teenagers it'll grow to outright resentment and hatred.
I agree with Dobson: "His (your teenager's) greatest anxiety, far exceeding the fear of death, is the possibility of rejection or humiliation in the eyes of his peers. This ultimate danger lurks in the background for years, motivating him to do things that make absolutely no sense to the adults who watch."
We will not give in to materialism, but it's going to be the hardest temptation we will face in the coming years. A rented tux for our boy, a second-hand (but nice) dress for the girl. No limos. No after-parties. I'm am trying to steel myself to hysterical tears and getting called the worst parent ever, multiple times.
Can't somebody invent a time machine, and my 8 & 9 year olds magically transform to 25 & 26, while I remain 41? Maybe not. It's going to be a tough road.
I'm lazy - and busy. What is the website?
Your post reminds me of the maxim: "Kids haven't changed. Parents have changed."
I am a Boomer, too. Audience yells, "Hi Boomer."
Things were easy for us. The 1960's are tattooed on the souls of many Boomers. My friend came by to visit. He is still talking the way he did then, like a teen-ager: anti-work, pro-hedonism. Strange. Clinton was our Boomer president.
Here is the website:
http://www.kellenberg.org/index.html
"Clinton was our Boomer president."
The defense rests, Your Honor.
The fact that Bill Clinton was twice elected President tells a whole lot about the cultural state of the USA.
I tend to agree. Have a much scaled down prom and enlist the parents and students to do all the work. It won't stop the post-prom partying but the school is making the dance a project, and if there are no volunteers, no prom.
Of course these weenie parents will HIRE someone to do the decorations, so who knows.......
That's your slanderous accusation, not reality.
and obiously he didn't do a good job of imparting Christian values
The job of imparting Christian values is supposed to be done at home sometime before children reach highschool age.
That should be obvious even to you.
A child of 13 is not a blank slate.
So now they are free to have the "after party" sooner.
The principal is doing the right thing by not preventing the after parties but he is not providing the excuse for them.
If the parents want to go ahead and do the dance seperate from the school they are still free to do so.
This reminds me on an annual "religious" retreat in clearwater florida sponsored by the Greek Orthodox Church. It is nothing more than a weekend of drinking and "hooking up" for young men and women.
"But some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway, Hoagland said."
Ahhh... Gee! Wonder how those kids will turn out?
You beat me here - bold move by the Principal - let the parents put on the prom themselves, privately
my daughter's school does what it can to prevent this stuff. as they are all girls, the boys have to sign a contract saying they will conduct themselves properly etc in advance of the dance, signed by their headmasters. the girls have to have their dresses okayed by the dean of students so they cannot show up half naked in some hootchie outfit, if their dress doesn't pass muster, she has school sweaters there that they must wear over the dress. they have a receiving line of administration and faculty that the kids must go through shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries so that the smell of alcohol might be detected. they also know in advance who is coming, so that kids can't say they are going to the prom, but go elsewhere, because the school will call the parents house if the kids do not show up. they also lock them in, so that they can't put in an appearance and then leave to party elsewhere. the schools do WHAT THEY CAN to cut down on this crap, but if the parents are not complicit in helping avoid the bad stuff, it is a losing battle.
Seems to me some kids
are confused about what's "prom"
and what is "band camp" . . .
I don't know, I had a few "extras", but sure as hell nobody paid for them. I worked! I drive my wife crazy with how cheap I can be, but paying for prom, a car, clothes, etc. on $7/hr. taught me lessons that stuck with me.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.