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Newly Emotionally Expressive Male: "Honey, some things have been bothering me, lately, and I know you want me to be more open, expressive and sharing. Remember how Duke, that guy I barely know who I golf with sometimes, the 66 year old doctor? Remember how you found out he was cheating on his wife with that 24 year old hot candy striper? And how you forbade me from ever golfing with him again? How you didn't even want him in the driveway to pick me up for golf, let alone in the house? Yea, well your friend Cindy has been banging some knucklehead she met at the gym, and I know her husband Ted. I feel really bad that you still hang out with her - you know, you and your posse aren't nearly as judgmental about her sexual exploits as you were about Duke. It makes me feel insecure about our relationship, because of the clear double standard, and how you and your pals might see that as a good, romantic thing because you all have overactive, emotion-driven imagination. Makes me feel that you might indulge in a similar thing with a hunky guy who comes to lay down the new rug and ends up laying down something else, you know? And speaking of my emotions, sometimes I don't really like it how you and your friends all jokingly put down your husbands, especially when you do it to me. I know you are joking but it still bothers and hurts me, you know? After all, I don't speak anywhere near as abrasively about you to anyone, let alone my friends who know you. That hurts, you know? Which reminds me, I don't think you nearly appreciate what I do for you and the kids. It seems like it's never enough and your criticism is endless sometimes, and I feel no matter what I do you are going to come down on me, which really inspires me to do nothing so I can at least avoid some abuse, and...."

Horrified Wife Who Got What She Asked For: "Argghhhh! Can't we just go back to you quietly sulking for 1/2 day whenever you get hurt, then I do something nice for you, then we laugh a bit, fool around, and become friends again?????? This emotional crap is killing me!"

That's the way it is. :-)

Yoicks, what kind of people do you hang out with? :p

Couldn't relate to 80% of what that couple's doing (dictating who your spouse can be friends with? Ack!), but this one part has been true of my husband:

It seems like it's never enough and your criticism is endless sometimes, and I feel no matter what I do you are going to come down on me, which really inspires me to do nothing so I can at least avoid some abuse, and....

That's pretty much what hubby said once when he was stressing at work (the project he'd spent tens of thousands of the company's money on wasn't coming together the way he wanted it to - although it did shortly thereafter :) ). I have said much the same to him as well - but in both cases, we realized it's more our impression of where the spouse is at than reality. In both cases, what we considered criticism was unspoken - we were indulging in mind reading - so either one of us saying we felt this way meant that we found out we were wrong. We were both projecting on our partner what we were actually thinking - he was feeling he'd failed and figured I was angry at him about it, when really I didn't think he'd failed at all.

Learning communication skills may not mean you talk any more than before - but it often means you quit miscommunicating. If a woman complains because her husband doesn't talk to her enough, and she actually wants him to chatter with her when he's not a chatterer, more communication skills aren't going to solve that problem.