Woman in power is powerless when it comes to meeting men

http://www.mcall.com/ ^ | September 17, 2005 | Amy Alkon

[teldon30]

Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?

Deluxe Chopped Liver

Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''

''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.

Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street

[papertyger]

Easy, it's all in management style.

I understand your contention. I'm married to a professional manager with much the same style.

That being said, and please don't take this as an insult, you know your vulnerability to ambitious rivals is also a function of how high a profile your job has.

I really don't see much evidence one can attain a truly "powerful" position on nice.

Now tell me, why would someone choose that over a beautiful, intelligent, sweet, secure woman...

I really couldn't say, but I don't think you can really say, either. You don't have half the equation, but you are presuming to calculate the answer.

As for how a man could prove you incorrect, well that gets into characteristics you call "powerful."

I submit that one way to prove you wrong would be by having a disinterested woman acknowlege a characteristic you call "powerful" is actually "being a shrew."

[VegasBaby]

***It's not always about worrying what others think. It's entirely possible he found her Reference Group alienating, that colored his perception of her, and he rejected her.***

Regerence Group? Explain.

[summer]

HitmamNY = HitmanNY

I am thinking I should have been friends with you back when I lived in NY! :)

[summer]

HitmamNY = HitmanNY

I am thinking I should have been friends with you back when I lived in NY! :)

[Mr. Jeeves]

Ya know that is just so hard to believe but I know that there is some truth to it

It's called "social proof". By wearing a wedding ring, a man instantly demonstrates that at least one woman thought he was marriage material - he's probably not a serial killer or a complete loser. And a whole lot of women will think nothing of trying to take that proven commodity for themselves.

[Delta Dawn]

I am sending you the bill for my emergency Laser eye surgery.

At least post a warning that you are about to unleash the hounds of Hades and that one should have their nuclear blast shields handy!.

[summer]

having a disinterested woman acknowlege a characteristic you call "powerful"

Now, here's a thought -- though I don't know if it's pertinent to your discussion, as I have not read the entire thread -- some women are actually not into "power" at all, contrary to popular belief. However, some men -- who are real visionaries are also extremely powerful, in addition to being visionary.

But, to some women -- the visionaries -- those are two very different attributes (1-power and 2- vision).

And, "power" in and of itself is actually not a necessary (nor appealing) component at all for some visionary woman (such as the one who may be standing on line in my previous post at the Dept of Buildings with a rolled up poster paper).

Well, if that makes sense to anyone else, good. If not, never mind! :)

[Alkhin]

I know I know. You'll find someone :D

[fella]

We laugh about it now because we can't remember what the fight was about. But I wouldn't trade a single moment of it for anything, when I'm with her it's always an adventure and always exciting.

[apackof2]

Hey, your supposed to be studying!

Me too! But this is more fun

[HitmanLV]

Yea, I have great comic delivery I humbly admit. And I have a nice smile and they know immediately that it's a joke and they tend to laugh a lot. Never had a slap from that joke.

I actually use variations on it all the time. My personal favorite was at a DMV in Los Angeles about two years ago. I accompanied my friend who had some business there and we were finally called up and an older black woman tended to his issue. Somehow my friend made reference to something unflattering in his driving record and said 'hey, I'm honest!' I jumped in with, "Well, I'm a liar and a coward. If I wasn't I'd never have any dates."

The old woman laughed so hard that he coworkers asked her what was so funny! She chided me and said "I know you, you're a nice man who does whatever your woman says!" :-)

[MadIvan]

I know I know. You'll find someone :D

I hear that quite often. You'll forgive me if I'm mildly impatient for some results.

Regards, Ivan

[LaineyDee]

Hey, your supposed to be studying!

I know, I know... I have "study block" today. I did get my markers out... the books opened and my study sheets out. Does that count? *giggle*

[VegasBaby]

***I really couldn't say, but I don't think you can really say, either. You don't have half the equation, but you are presuming to calculate the answer.***

Fair enough, however, as I said, this scenario is not just exclusive to the one example.

***As for how a man could prove you incorrect, well that gets into characteristics you call "powerful."

I submit that one way to prove you wrong would be by having a disinterested woman acknowlege a characteristic you call "powerful" is actually "being a shrew."***

Sounds like you are implying that's what I am. LOL!!! Actually there are times I wish I did have that in me.

[girlangler]

You know, you really have a point there. I think it is partly animal instinct, and yes we are the highest on the food chain and all.

I should not be saying this, but I have never heard any serious discussion about it and am curious.

Has anybody besides me ever (especially you wimmonfolk) been so physically attracted to a member of the other sex that he SMELLS good?

I'm serious, just standing a few feet away and it is almost a magnet.

No I am not talking about BO or other nasty stuff. Just a chemical reaction I guess.

[HitmanLV]

Sure. I didn't come up with the term, other folks have. I teach peak performance and mind sciences so I am familiar with it and related concepts.

Basically, a person's Reference Group is the people a person hangs around the most with. They end up validating and conveying a certain kind of world view. It's just human nature.

Individuals tend to conform to another individual's influence in order to realize a reward or avoid punishment [the benefits of being in a 'clique' at a large company, for example], and/or more likely conform to another's influence for the purpose of enhancing or supporting his self-concept by associating or disassociating himself with positive or negative Reference Groups ["The Cool Kids" in the 11th grade, for example].

[RightOnline]

Such women seem to attract either A)total low life losers or B)wusses with low self image.

Their loss.

[HitmanLV]

Kick arse!

[LaineyDee]

Has anybody besides me ever (especially you wimmonfolk) been so physically attracted to a member of the other sex that he SMELLS good?

Oh girrrrrrrrrrrrl......when I stop laughing.......maybe I can answer you! rofl!!!!!!!!

[papertyger]

Darlin.....I KNOW what the biblical position is.... which is why I told you MY experiences. Don't get your skivvies in a wad....I was yanking your chain! *chuckle*

I'm sorry :o(

Of course your milage varies.