And while Southerners do indeed come off as extremely friendly, in my experience, the friendliness is often cosmetic. For example, I can recall in the not so distant past attending a mixed-race business meeting in Columbia, South Carolina. The local boys were real nice to the me and the black guy, almost to the point of making us feel uncomfortable. But after the black guy left to catch a flight back to New York, one of the good 'ol boys, who must of forgot that I was a Yankee, said right in front of me and five of his southern colleagues, "I really like Thomas. He's not a bad for a n....r." As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he knew he had made a mistake, but rather than keeping his mouth shut, he and his buddies started in with that smooth talking southern crap, basically telling me that "its no big deal," "everyone uses the N word down here, even they do," and in Byrd like fashion, "it ain't a racist thing or anything 'cause everyone knows there are white n.....s and colored n.....s"
That's funny. When I lived in Chicago, Chicagoans thought they could use the n-word at liberty in front of me b/c I was from Mississippi. They were wrong. I bridled at the term above the Mason-Dixon line, just like I bridle at it below.
From your perspective though, I suppose I would have to give these guys credit for not trying to cover up their rudeness with a bunch of "smooth-talking cr-p." They were actually quite proud of their racist attiudes, and they didn't even think of apologizing. I guess that just makes them more "honest" though, right?
"And while Southerners do indeed come off as extremely friendly, in my experience, the friendliness is often cosmetic. For example, I can recall in the not so distant past attending a mixed-race business meeting in Columbia, South Carolina. The local boys were real nice to the me and the black guy, almost to the point of making us feel uncomfortable. But after the black guy left to catch a flight back to New York, one of the good 'ol boys, who must of forgot that I was a Yankee, said right in front of me and five of his southern colleagues, 'I really like Thomas. He's not a bad for a n....r.' As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he knew he had made a mistake, but rather than keeping his mouth shut, he and his buddies started in with that smooth talking southern crap, basically telling me that 'its no big deal,' 'everyone uses the N word down here, even they do,' and in Byrd like fashion, 'it ain't a racist thing or anything 'cause everyone knows there are white n.....s and colored n.....s'"
What of it? You ran into a closet racist from the South. There are plenty up North, too, just ask Al Sharpton. Smooth talking, backpedaling racists are not confined to the South, your anecdotal association notwithstanding.
These gentlemen were not Southerners, they were stupid racists probably with relations going back to slave owners.
I've had my dealings with such people in the South and I hate them with a passion. I have personally chastised my own mother for using that word to describe one of my friends while in high school. To this day it still bothers me that she had done that. My experience of being raised in the South is that it is mostly a generational thing that hopefully will be stamped out in the South except in Florida where they will retire. I would slap my own child for referring to another human being in such a derogatory manner. It is uncivilized to behave in such a manner.
No polite Southerner would have made that remark. The guy who said that about your friend was (1) rude, and (2) a show-off.
Polite Southerners will do anything not to offend someone.
I've often said, a polite southern woman will never say to your face - what she can say behind your back. :~)