[Huck]

It's gotten to the point where money itself has begun to lose its value. Don't get me wrong. I am not swimming in it. But I sorta am by my own standards. I go to this awful job that I hate, a lot of the time I am just sitting there wasting time. The work is meaningless. The place is run ineptly. I just show up and kill time for the money. I'm in a rural part of NJ about 40 miles from the good paying jobs, but I hate those jobs anyway. I recently had back surgery and now the 1+ hour commute each way in heavy traffic is killing me. I don't want to go to the poorhouse. I do have a home mortgage I want to pay off. But that's my only debt. No credit card debt. No car payment. No student loan. Just a mortgage, and it's not too bad. Our house was 175K at 6% with 35K down. We overpay every month. Even if I only give up marijuana, which I mainly use to kill the pain my job causes, I'd be saving good money. Anyway, I have to think on it. But I always used to live my life like it was my last day. Now I don't.

[Utilizer]

I remember reading a quote some years ago that I can only paraphrase here due to My limited memory of it after the passage of time: 'I would get up every workday and go into My office to do the work that was required of me. And every day I would die a little bit more'. After a few years of this, this particular individual finally just quit the prestigious position and lucrative salary to spend his days occasionally doing some minor painting of the trees and bushes around his house located in the hills around Silicon Valley. His position? President (CEO?) of a major stockbroking firm, pulling down about six or seven figures in salary. The San Jose Mercury News did an interview with him, in his much happier existence after he quit. He talked about how yes, he and his wife were concerned with how to take care of the mortgage and future income, but he knew he had made the right decision. I am not attempting to state that that is the correct decision for everyone, but just pointing out that even those in the Upper Income levels are not above certain basic considerations.

I made My decision only when I finally realized that My health was giving indications that there was a major problem with My then-high-potential career. I will most certainly never achieve the level of good health that I once had and that I used to pay so little attention to. Had I lived My life with this level of stress-free existence previously I would probably never have achieved the level of expertise and skills that I now claim, but I also would not be limited with the limited mobility, range of motion, and constant back pain that I must endure now to the end of My days. I am still in two minds as to whether it was a good trade-off.

We all fear the unknown, and to voluntarily relinquish our established daily routines and disrupt our lives for an uncertain future is one of the most difficult things we can do. Some of us can never do it. I no longer drive an incredibly fast car, nor do I live in a large house with huge garage and back yard. By the standards of the monied I am barely worth notice, and one of the most memorable things of My recent life that has occurred was when I had accepted a job stocking shelves at a small supermarket in the area -and sometimes had to really work at not laughing out loud at the posturing of My then-supervisor, who had worked there for fifteen years and was one of the most arrogant, egotistical, opinionated, and critical chain-smoking tyrants to ever stride a supermarket aisle. I had worked with some of the biggest names out there in the technical field, but this strutting little poppinjay considered himself the absolute master of his domain as much as the Captain of the H.M.S. Bounty ever did. I do not think he ever understood why I had an almost constant smile on My face whenever he was about. *grin*

Judge not your worth by the opinions of others, or by financial considerations, for your worth in such manner is only of value for the particular pool you swim in. Instead, think of how you would view yourself in several different times and places in your life. How would the younger you view what you are doing now, at this moment in your life? What would he think not only of the work you are doing, but the individual you have become? Step to one side of yourself and see if perhaps a different choice would allow your self-opinion to become more acceptable to yourself by other aspects of yourself if you were doing something else.

Finally, do not be afraid to examine other options, no matter what they might be. One of the things I have been considering is what to make of Myself here, and I am currently looking into establishing a small manufacturing facility in the area to take advantage of My technical knowledge. I would most certainly start out small, but who knows?

I remember reading all of the Calvin and Hobbes books over the years, and I still recall the last cartoon panel of the last one created by the author, Bill Watterson: Calvin and Hobbes are going down the hill on a little sled away from the camera towards the woods, and Calvin is shouting with excitement, "Let's go exploring!"

Think of perhaps accepting the world and it's full potential to be your limits. Think of how your life would be if you were not self limiting.

Remember the Hole Theory: "When you think you might be in a hole, the best thing to do is to stop digging."

When you are not content, perhaps it is time to find a way to allow possible contentment to occur.

Just some random thoughts...