I can literally marry my money.
*pats the stacks of bills* Soon, sweetheart, soon...We shall bide our time, and then the whole world shall be forced to accept our love! Or rather, my inordinate preoccupation with greenbacks...Which is just as acceptable as any other kind of love. ;) Marry your car! Marry your kid! Why bother with distinctions at all?
Frank Zappa used to have that song about Pinky, the blow-up doll... that would blur distinctions...