WTF...how friggin depressing. Thats not the America I grew up in....and I'm only 30, turn 31 in June. It used to be so much easier protecting the innocence of our children. When I look at my 10 mo. old boy...I think, "How bad is it going to be when he's older?" I don't know...I suppose we have to always be on our toes and try our best. Public school has never entered into my mind as an educational option for my kids anyway. (I suppose I should be thankful that I have the means to have other options) I know my life would have turned out totally different if my parents didn't sacrifice and send me to catholic school. I'm enternally grateful to them that they did.
It's not the America I grew up in either.
My advice to you ?
1. Develop a very close relationship with your kids - do things with them, participate in whatever they're doing. Show them that if they make good choices, you're in their corner and good things are more fun than things that get them into trouble.
2. Provide good, sensible and consistent discipline and don't take the easy route by giving in especially if "everyone else is doing it"
3. Don't worry about how popular they are (in fact, worry if they're very popular!) . One or two true friends is enough to see kids thru school; more is a bonus
4. Keep talking to them about everything, especially your values and expectations. Cultivate the habit of listening. Be very opinionated on many topics(sex, drugs, friends, lying, cheating etc etc) and give your reasons why. They're listening even if it sometimes seems like they're not.
5. Don't send them to ANY school that you have not personally checked out by spending time in classrooms, lunchrooms, bathrooms, gyms, and hallways. I know of quite a few tony private schools I'd not subject my kid to.
6. Keep them occupied with positive hobbies and encourage hanging-out with friends at your house. That way you get to know who might be causing trouble simply by casually listening to the conversation. Most troublemakers I know do not have constructive things to occupy their free time.
7. Don't encourage activities or things that are more appropriate for older kids. For example, your 8th grader does not need to wear a $500 dress to the 8th grade dance that would be more appropriate for the senior prom in high school.
8. And my favorite - homeschool. You get lots of time to influence your kids (don't you like how I waited to the end to sneak that in?)
Well, that should be good for a start. :)