Why VERY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women

bullz-eye.com ^ | 04/07/05 | by: David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"

[xsrdx]

Are you married/engaged/have a steady girlfriend with that attitude?

Just poking fun at PD, one of our resident combat aviators.

Not a group that has a history of trouble with the ladies...

[nopardons]

An hour....maybe less, depending upon your are and vigor. ;^)

[nopardons]

Oh,I see.LOL

[durasell]

Yes, I like my beer cheap and my women cold...wait, that's not right. I'll get it.

[nopardons]

And I find it exceptionally hard to believe that YOU have trouble dating women. :-)

[durasell]

I lead an eccentric hermit like existance, venturing out just once a year to show up at family reunions drunk in a torn suit with two strippers and half a bottle of Remy.

[nopardons]

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you do. LOL

[HitmanLV]

Men and women both place men into 'nice guy/jerk' paradigms, and men and women both place women into 'madonna/whore' paradigms.

[HitmanLV]

Presenting yourself as a sexual being just means don't strip yourself of your sexual identity. To me it means maintain your masculinity, don't apologize nor camouflage it.

You are a man and when you approach her, your interest is respectful but sexual - nice guys think they can't be both. They are wrong.

That's not a license to be rude, crude, or foul mouthed. I'm a masculine male, for example, but I am not profane at all.

A lot of guys who try to be 'nice' do so by making themselves sexually nonthreatening - that is, nonsexual beings. A woman will not have a sexual attraction to a man who has stripped himself of his sexual identity.

So for example, some masculine traits are confidence, self assurance, a sense of humor (including being mildly self deprecating at times), having goals and achieving them, and having a dominant personality (not to be confused with being domineering).

[Note that none of these traits are exclusively masculine.]

Also realize that women often test a man's strength of character. For example, they might make a date with you only to cancel it 2 hours before the meeting time. Sometimes this is legit and unavoildable, but often the woman is just testing your mettle:

a. Do you just fold like a house of cards and say 'OK, OK' and wind up apologizing to her? You flunked the test - she looks for strength in a companion - if you won't stand up to her, she figures you won't stand up to anybody.

b. Do you whine, bitch, and complain? You flunked the test - she expects that from the girly girls in her life: she won't get a sexual spark from a man who whines about her canceling the date.

c. Do you fly off the handle, yell, holler, and make a lot of noise? Odds are you will flunk the test, too - overreacting isn't somethinmg women like, either. (That being said, some women will like this as it gets a rise out of you, so you may get partial credit).

d. Do you quietly call her on her bs and remind her that she is flaking on you and being disrespectful - basic decency and respect mandate that if you have an appointment, 24 hour notice is reasonable advance time to cancel. Firmly remind her not to do it again, or otherwise respect your 24 hour rule, which is fair & reasonable. Remind her that you would extend the same courtesy to anyone, and that reasonable notice would give you the flexibility to make other plans (women are intrigued by men with other plans, by the way).

Don't overreact, don't under react. Be firm, strong, but fair. Give her an opportunity to make it up to you. If she blows it, her loss. Move on.

That's probably the best response to this (very common) hypothetical.

[RinaseaofDs]

Define deep.

To an engineer, discussing the impossible complexities of the pyramids is fun. Discussing the physics of icebreaking is fun. Discussing something historical is fun. Discussing certain novels or plays is fun.

This guy's point is that a woman's idea of deep and a man's idea of deep are often in diametrical opposition. I know women who can't tell you who is VP of the US, but claim that some of the men in their lives are like children.

What this guy is saying is absolutely true. I've been married to an incredibly intelligent woman for 15 years. She teaches calculus, but she won't talk about it much unless we go to symposia together - it's the only place I can actually get my geek on and not embarrass myself in front of her - because for once she has her geek on.

I attracted her and married her for all kinds of good emotional reasons. The only 'deep' conversations I've ever had with her dealt with emotional issues and math (she's a math teacher) and once you go beyond a certain area of math in which she's familiar the conversation stops.

It's strange how I've arrived at this, but by and large, trying to have a conversation about anything technical, scientific, literary, or historical with a woman will do you as much good as having the same conversation with your pet airedale.

I take that back - the airedale will forgive you for making her feel so inadequate and love you anyway.

[HitmanLV]

DO NOT ASK WOMEN FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO DO WELL WITH WOMEN! ;-)

[HitmanLV]

Now, in my experience, girls do like a bit of excitement and unpredictablity. You will not go very far if you are boring and stale. But, at the same time, it is just not true that all girls are into bad guys...

Women are not into bad guys, they are just naturally responding to the exagerated masculine traits that 'bad boys' have. There is a difference.

[HitmanLV]

Want me to take you under my wing? I can probably get you up to speed in a matter of weeks! ;-)

[Rca2000]

Actually, what you say tends to apply to BOTH men and women.Non-technical minded men, in particular younger ones, do NOT seem to relish discussions on serious matters, rather, they want to discuss sports, partying, sex, and other such things I have experienced this with my own eyes.

For example, One time, in my radio club, A couple of us began to discuss some serious physical science matters, and the talk ventured into string theories, something which I still lack much knowledge on, but am eager to learn more about.

The next day, at my job, another male employee and me were talking, about world affairs, or something like it. Anyhoo, I then mentioned that we had been discussing string theory the night before, to this employee. I was starting to explain the general definition of string theory,(the litle that I understand) and he stopped me, and just started making fun of me, and, for most of the day, maybe even week, talked very simply toward me.

SO-- I have come to the conclusion that most people, not just women, do NOT like to discuss serious, in-depth subjects. People tend to make fun of things they do not understand, and shun those who talk of things that they do not understand.Therefore, a date would be the LAST place, one would want to discuss such things.while one might talk of some current events, and such, it is important to make a date feel comfortable with you, NOT dazzle them, with your super intellect(or pretense thereof, as I know a man, who can TALK like he is very knowledgeable, about many things, but is unable to do much more than TALK... and do drugs, too).

[Serb5150]

A shame - in 2005, there is no excuse for a man to consistently fail to attract appealing women.

Provided the man in question is appealing as well...

[HitmanLV]

No, not really.... ;-)

[Melas]

I don't know about you, but I'm always amazed at the number of freeper men who are obviously struggling with lonliness. I haven't decided if political obsessions are a turn off, or that that socially awkward turn to politics in the absence of real relationships.

[exnavychick]

Also realize that women often test a man's strength of character. For example, they might make a date with you only to cancel it 2 hours before the meeting time. Sometimes this is legit and unavoildable, but often the woman is just testing your mettle:

No offense, but why would you want to even mess around with someone who would play a silly game like that? I would never have canceled a date with someone two hours beforehand unless something REALLY had come up, and I would have some kind of alternative in mind, if possible. Cheap manipulation to "test" someone like that is just wrong, imo, and someone like that should be avoided. Even stuff happens on it's own to give you a feel for a person's "mettle"...you don't have to manufacture something. Just my two cents. :)

[Mr. Jeeves]

I haven't decided if political obsessions are a turn off, or that that socially awkward turn to politics in the absence of real relationships.

For FR it's this equation:

Christian upbringing and teaching on relationships = nonsexual approach to women and dating = loneliness.

[Kay Syrah]

Why thanks. Of course, its all in good fun. Here's another one I think I posted on FR already.( I prefer Freeper wit)

Gasping for air he could barely breathe as he clutched the remnants of the empty black pantsuit to his breast, crying with relief, thinking he had vanquished the beast, not realising it had merely molted.

LOL. Indeed it has. It now seems to be wearing the bright new scales of a moderate. Beware.