Welcome to Canada: The Great White Waste of Time.

The Weekly Standard ^ | March 21, 2005 | Matt Labash

[quidnunc]

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. – Margaret Atwood, Canadian writer

Vancouver, British Columbia – Whenever I think of Canada … strike that. I'm an American, therefore I tend not to think of Canada. On the rare occasion when I have considered the country that Fleet Streeters call "The Great White Waste of Time," I've regarded it, as most Americans do, as North America's attic, a mildewy recess that adds little value to the house, but serves as an excellent dead space for stashing Nazi war criminals, drawing-room socialists, and hockey goons.

Henry David Thoreau nicely summed up Americans' indifference toward our country's little buddy when he wrote, "I fear that I have not got much to say about Canada. … What I got by going to Canada was a cold." For the most part, Canadians occupy little disk space on our collective hard drive. Not for nothing did MTV have a game show that made contestants identify washed-up celebrities under the category "Dead or Canadian?"

If we have bothered forming opinions at all about Canadians, they've tended toward easy-pickings: that they are a docile, Zamboni-driving people who subsist on seal casserole and Molson. Their hobbies include wearing flannel, obsessing over American hegemony, exporting deadly Mad Cow disease and even deadlier Gordon Lightfoot and Nickelback albums. You can tell a lot about a nation's mediocrity index by learning that they invented synchronized swimming. Even more, by the fact that they're proud of it.

-snip-

[Polybius]

Once upon a time, Canada had a right to be proud.

But that was a long time ago.

[llevrok]

Don't forget Stompin' Tom, eh?

[quidnunc]

Their whole self-image is based on being either faux-French or not-American.

They would like more than anything to be Europeans, but they just don't have that certain je ne sais quois to pull it off.

It's sort of sad, really.

[beaver fever]

Stompin Tom is a classic. Totally down east but he looks like he grew up in Calgary. Also not to be forgotten, the Great Hank Snow.

On the US side of the border my favorites are Hank Williams and Bobby Bare. Everything after that is Pop.

[peyton randolph]

I thought I read somewhere that Canada was America's imbecile cousin in the attic.

And Mexico is the cranky maid who lives in the basement? ;-)

[peyton randolph]

I am all in favor of giving Texas back to Mexico

I'd be happy if we reverted to the Republic of Texas.

[sonofatpatcher2]

In my late Father's day, he served with Canadians who were not afraid to defend freedom. Not afraid to lay down their lives for a better world. Sadly, most of those brave men are now dead and their offspring have brought their nation down to the level of a bad joke.

Sorry, Beav, but if the shoe fits... You have to wear it.

Maybe if someone comes knocking and kills some 3,000 innocent Canadians, they may get their soul and courage back. Yet, I fear, they would only apologize to their killers.

Here is hope for a future return to a better Canada that my old man knew well...

[goldstategop]

Poutine is a popular fast food in Quebec. I liked it but some may find it an acquired taste.

(Denny Crane: "Sometimes you can only look for answers from God and failing that... and Fox News".)

[sonofatpatcher2]

Here is the same post to any of your fellow French-Canadians:

Dans la guerre mondiale deux mon père a servi avec les Canadiens qui n'avaient pas peur pour défendre la liberté. Non effrayé d'établir leurs vies pour un meilleur monde. Tristement, les la plupart de ceux bravent des hommes sont maintenant des morts et leur progéniture ont réduit leur nation au niveau d'une mauvaise plaisanterie.

Désolés, Beav, mais si les ajustements de chaussure... Vous devez la porter.

Peut-être si quelqu'un vient frappant et tue environ 3.000 Canadiens innocents, ils peuvent récupérer leur âme et courage. Cependant, je crains, ils ferais des excuses seulement à leurs tueurs.

Voici l'espoir pour un futur retour vers le meilleur Canada que mon vieil homme a bien su...

Sorry, I don't have a gif of the 1st Special Service Force patch that would pass the French only laws...

[beaver fever]

So we not only have an inferiority complex but we're masochists.

Lagrass is still an idiot.

As WC Fields said when a women accused him of being drumk.

"Mr. Fields you are drunk!"

"Yes madame I am drunk but tomorrow morning I'll be sober and you will still be ugly."

[Max in Utah]

No, Churchill said that.

[Veto!]

Years ago I went up to Vancouver, Canada with spouse on a business trip. We were taken out to dinner and a club. The entertainment was so dull, I said, "He sings here at night so he can afford to drive his cab all day." Spouse kicked me under the table, but our Canadian hosts didn't get it. I thought it rather summed up Canada.