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I have 13 birds, mostly parrots, many of them rescues birds who were handicapped, lost or unwanted. All of them are my babies, and I don't see a damn thing funny about cracking down on parrot smugglers. And I'm a professional comedy writer. If it were up to me, they'd get the electric chair.

Those SOBs throw huge nets over entire trees full of these amazingly intelligent, sensitive birds; yank them from their nests; pack them into dark, airless boxes like sardines; and toss them around like luggage to smuggle them into the US. When they arrive here, the handful that manage to survive the hellish journey without suffocating, starving or being crushed to death end up getting sold at shady pet stores and flea markets, usually to people who know nothing about their proper care and nutrition, and who often lock them in tiny, dirty cages with bad food and filthy water. A lot of people only buy them as "decorations," not realizing how desperately they crave social interaction, and ignore them until they literally go insane and mutilate themselves.

Still laughing, Congressman? How about if we start treating our politicians that way? They're much more deserving of it than any poor innocent parrot, and maybe it would teach them to think before talking, something most of my birds learned long ago.

/rant