John: My daughter was first diagnosed with anorexia about 18 years ago. For a time we thought we were going to lose her. One of our friends lost her daughter to the illness. It took many years, but slowly she came around with professional, eating disorder specialists and a good, understanding internist to treat her medical conditions. As mentioned above, it is not about the weight or the food. Equally important is for you and your wife to go into a group counseling session such as those offered by the American Anorexia/Bulimia Association. I'm sure there is a local chapter nearby. You can google search them. A word of caution: do not engage psychologists, psychiatrists or others that do not restrict their practice to eating disorders.
I agree.
While there are likely good exceptions, the problem is complex enough and tricky enough it is best to have professionals who treat nothing but this problem.