Freepers, I know I don't have to ask for your prayers--you all offer them so readily. I will thank you in advance for them, though.
I am asking for advice, tips, suggestions, etc.
And a warning, at the risk of sounding like an ingrate: No "humor." Not today. This is family, this is life.
Thank you.
do she eat beef (proteins, etc.) ...
gotta get some iron and protein in her diet.
Too many diets/eating habits are screwed up today.
People need a balance diet that contains carbs, proteins, and fat.
Try and get her to eat a variety of foods (get that girl a T-Bone) ... and try to get her to take vitamins regularly.
I know people who went on a vegan diet and looked like they were walking death (and got sick all of the time). Thankfully, they abandoned the diet.
Also ... as others mentioned ... you may need to get her closer to home ... to monitor the situation ... unfortunately, that may not go over well with her.
I would suggest that you ask the college to give you a health leave of absence, so your daughter can return if that seems advisable.
Getting help isn't easy, because not all health professionals can be trusted. I would certainly look around, get second opinions, and take care that you find a professional who will be supportive of your daughter's relation to her family. I agree that this probably isn't something that you can tackle yourself, but parental love and care can be important.
It could be some kind of vegan influence that she picked up. It also probably relates to the popular culture and to all those skinny, drugged-out models who have become the accepted version of female beauty.
It's important to deal with this promptly, because the longer it lasts, the more difficult it is to recover from.
John: My daughter was first diagnosed with anorexia about 18 years ago. For a time we thought we were going to lose her. One of our friends lost her daughter to the illness. It took many years, but slowly she came around with professional, eating disorder specialists and a good, understanding internist to treat her medical conditions. As mentioned above, it is not about the weight or the food. Equally important is for you and your wife to go into a group counseling session such as those offered by the American Anorexia/Bulimia Association. I'm sure there is a local chapter nearby. You can google search them. A word of caution: do not engage psychologists, psychiatrists or others that do not restrict their practice to eating disorders.
Please make sure that it is anorexia. A throrough checkup is in order to rule out other problems - among them is substance abuse. This is a hard thing to say, but people who use methamphetamine also exhibit those same symptoms. Meth users are frequently overachievers who think they just need a little extra "hit" to help them get things done.
Depression, and certain other medical conditions can also cause anorexia-like symptoms.
Whatever the cause, make sure that she gets a complete examination...
Get expert advice.
Your family is in my prayers.
Personally, I'd seek a psychiatrist specializing in eating disorders that knows how to diagnose the
underlying cause, such as a maladaptive response to [fill in the blank].
No advice, just best wishes for you, you wife and your daughter! Good luck, FRiend!
Sending prayers of strength and change for you and your daughter. May the Lord help her to Heal this disorder and be at peace.
This is a very serious issue and best for her to be away from school and in a professional 'eating disorder clinic' where the awful truth is dealt with head-on by professionals who work with educating and helping the family also.
Her life, if this is true, could be hell for years to come if not dealt with immediately.
It is terrible and emotional for the family---Just as drugs or alcohol.....But you will get through this and be stronger.
God BLess.
See your family lawyer and have a simple power of attorney drawn up for your daughter to sign(notarize the signature)Without this the Dr.'s,Pharmacies and Colleges can refuse you all information on your daughter even though you are paying the bills.I have this on my 23 year old law student and her 20 year old sister.I have never had a minutes problem with either but recent privacy laws enacted by the idiots in Congres(both parties) made it an imperitive.
My 14-year-old daughter is also thin and avoids eating. She doesn't eat breakfast because she says it makes her sick. I believe this is a result of anxiety from dealing with some of the less friendly girls at the school when she arrives in the morning. She's always antsy about how they will treat her that day, what mood they will be in, etc. I called the school about it and they are intervening on her behalf and she is eating better at home, but still not breakfast. I don't see what she eats at lunch, but she describes only light things like yogurt, etc. Sometimes she'll eat chicken fingers. However, when she's together with her dearest friend she ravages popcorn, etc. I am wondering if solid friendships with other females helps combat anorexia. Most of the women I have known with eating problems have not had close relationships with their peers. At night, she does eat a good dinner, although small portions. Then again, some of it is because she is a small person.
Society's emphasis upon thinness ("You can never be too rich or too thin") is partially responsible for these girls' strained self-images.
However, as a parent, I am always looking at myself to see if I am somehow sending a message that thin-is-in or that she has to achieve some lofty goal.
Eating disorders are critical issues for today's young women and cannot be ignored. You and your family will be remembered in our prayers and most positive thoughts.
A few suggestions in case this is not at a clinical state already.
1) Digital photos of her now and make a slide show including current photos and past Christmases. Don't need to say anything, she can see it.
2) Have her help in planning meals for the family and eat as a family. Even if she isn't hungry, make sure she is included in the dinner time.
3) Let her know you are concerned, but not in a joking or offhanded way. Be direct. Ask her what her weight goals are and if she says "until I look good" remind her that what she sees in the mirror can be modified in her mind. Have her choose a flat weight number and make sure that both you and her look up whether that is a healthy weight for her height. If it is under a healthy weight, make sure you again let her know that you are concerned that she might be depressed or having an image problem.
4) Stay in contact. If weight is an issue for her, it should be an issue for you. Ask her what she is weighing when you talk to her and if she is dropping below a healthy weight continue to show concern. Get her friends at school to help with this. Since she is over 18, you can't force her to do a lot, but you can encourage her to get professional help on her own. She needs to know that her family is supportive and concerned. That alone may give her the self-esteem boost she needs to get help if she can't pull out of this destructive behavior alone.
5) Pray. Pray with her and pray for her about this issue. Again, you showing serious concern for this might help her see the seriousness of the issue.
Get expert advice. She will need people who are trained in dealing with anorexia/bulemia because it is a very complex psychological problem. True anorexics are very resistant and often don't see a problem; to the point of manipulation and dishonesty.
Clues that someone is anorexic is distorted body image- "I am SO fat" when they look like a skeleton. Anorexia is about control by some who feels out of control, and they get their affirmation from the scales. Literally what they see in the mirror is nothing like what they look like.
Other clues could be frequent weighing, excessive exercise, excessive sleeping, avoidance of foods or groups of foods to the extreme, manipulating food on the plate or even hiding food to make it look like they are eating. It can include the abuse of some drugs (which came first-chicken or egg?) and laxitives.
They will show nutritional obsession to the extreme. The joke in my profession is they know more about nutrition than anyone on the planet because food (and the control of it) is their total focus. They can quote fat grams, carbs, calories etc like a computer.
Again, find those who are experts in the condition and know what to look for. It can be hard to treat, but it can be beat. My prayers are with you and your family.
It will have to be between her and a doctor...I hate to say this but maybe, just maybe all of your "good intentions" or high expectations, may have pushed her over an edge.
I am by NO MEANS blaming you, but do know, mental health issues in young adults are not the manifest of a peer problem, generally it is the result of too much pressure from parents.
She needs help, be willing to LISTEN if the doctor asks you and your wife to step back a bit...it may be painful but you have to save your daughter.
BTW a hug goes a long way...say nothing, just a hug. Don't ask her WHY, she doesn't know yet. Don't ask her to stop, subconsciencly she may not realize she is rebelling.
A hug and kiss...keep all YOUR fears and wishes behind your lips.
We just found out that she has anemia. It's bad and she'll have a long road to recovery, but she should be alright. There are many illnesses that will cause the appetite to go to hell until they are found and treated. Anemia, some cancers, gall bladder problems, stomach bacteria. Then we have hormonal problems. Addison's disease and diabetes are the two that come to mind. Some medications will have an effect on the appetite and some people are more sensitive to them than others. Some parasites will mess a healthy body up terribly. There are many more things than I can think of right now, and a few that I won't mention so as not to alarm you, but this should be the first consideration.
*If* she does have an underlying physical problem, she probably has done what my mom did. In the beginning, "Hey! I'm loosing weight without trying! This is great!" Then, a few months later, "Wow! I'm in a size 6! I've never been a six!" And finally, "OK. My size 6's are falling off. Maybe I ought to think about this."
Before you do *anything* get her a full physical. CBC, hormone levels, Blood Glucose, and everything else that can possibly be looked at.
I've had a lot of experience with family members who have anorexia and I have also read quite a lot in the scientific literature about it. As you suggest it is very important to take this seriously, but not everyone who claims to be able to treat anorexia is really effective. I'm kind of busy right now, but I'll send you all the details by freepmail tonight (PST).
Continuously reinforce that you love her through your words and deeds. Guard against anger at all costs. Don't say anything that suggests you're angry, and work hard not to show it. You don't need to be judgmental in regard to anything about her. She's way ahead of you on that score. Try not to let it show if you find her appearance alarming. For the time being, share all of these thoughts and fears and feelings with your wife. I know it won't be easy, but adhering to these attitudes and actions will likely make it easier for you to guide her towards a professional situation.
Glad to hear that your wife is working to find help for your daughter. As you clearly recognize, anorexia needs to be handled by professionals.
Good luck and God bless. Please keep us posted on your progress.
Been there, done that.
My Mom used to force feed me chocolate shakes in the morning with raw eggs for protien.
Bottom line is that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, THAT IS FOR SURE!
With your support and love, she will overcome.
God Bless and my prayers are with you and your daughter.
The pressure on girls and young women to look a certain way--like the models in fashion magazines--is enormous. She has to come to accept that her outward appearance is not what determines her worth, even though far too many foolish people, especially those around her age, feel otherwise.