Posted on 12/09/2004 2:37:55 PM PST by weegee
Super-compassionate liberal Senator Ted Kennedy is one of the richest politicians in America, but he's quietly giving back -- by teaching poor inner-city teens to drive, free of charge!
That's the surprising revelation of a clergyman who coordinates the program, based in a community center in Washington, D.C.
"Teddy doesn't charge these kids a dime and doesn't take any credit," reveals Father Bryan MacKelly. "He volunteers his time on the down-low -- he doesn't really want the media to make a big deal about his personal generosity.
"He told me, 'Safe driving is a skill every young American deserves to have -- not just the rich.' "
The bighearted Massachusetts senator drives himself to the community center in an unobtrusive old Pontiac he uses to give the free one-hour lessons.
"He comes and goes without waiting for thanks, like the Lone Ranger," Fr. MacKelly marvels.
When the roly-poly, silver-haired politician first showed up and was introduced as the new driving instructor, the high-schoolers -- ages 16 to 18 -- were shocked.
"Who's the weird fat dude?" one youth asked.
After Fr. MacKelly introduced him as Ted Kennedy, the teens were even more awestruck.
"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.
Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.
Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.
"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.
"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.
"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."
The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale.
"Some of you may be a little scared of driving," he tells the youngsters. "Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule and you or a loved one could wind up dead."
The senator has been giving lessons since February, when he ran into Fr. MacKelly at a charitable function.
"I was telling Teddy about some of our programs," the pastor remembers. "When I mentioned we had two volunteer driving instructors and were looking for a third, his eyes lit up."
This sounds like a joke. Brings back memories of Mary Jo.
From what I remember of his past expertise, he should be giving swimming lessons, not driving lessons.
PING
Proof that truth is stranger than fiction!
My god.... have these kids ever been to school? Can they even read to pass a written driving test ? Driving is a privilege not a right. .... Future voters ??? I can't believe this
While you were browsing that site did you happen to catch this news story:
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/aliens/61245?printer=1
Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe:
1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl.
2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space.
3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET.
4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals.
5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels.
6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs.
7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased.
8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet.
9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor.
10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.
*snicker*
I can't wait until they pick up Dan Rather's column.
lol...you beat me to it!
Worth something - from an expert in his field or shall I say from his ditch.
Reading through this, as I was noticing it was from the always interesting WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, my thought was "this is humor worthy of a FReeper" and developed a new and surprising appreciation for WWN, and its "range". Now I see it's not humor. I don't know the lesson here...."Truth is not stranger THAN fiction", but "Truth is Stranger AS Fiction" perhaps?
Also, never ski down a slope alongside a Kennedy.
Teddys' Gone Swimming, for the Night. If That's Alright
Shut down the Alphabet Channels (ABJazerra & Her Sister Stations)!
Vote with your Remote!
But, I Have A Plan
Zippo Hero
Seven Dead Monkeys Page O Tunes
Certainly better than SNL and The Daily Show combined.
Bizarre, isn't it?
Not really. The level of "humor" in the 1990s descendend down to "...because he's a Republican" as a punchline.
They constructed artificial presidents on screen and tv so that they could still have a president to "idolize" when they were faced with Der Sinkmiester.
They choose not to idolize George W. Bush (outside of one week after the 9/11/2001 attacks).
They cannot focus political satire at their own guys ("it could cost us the election"). They care not to offer anything of substance to attack President Bush on ("he looks like a monkey, he used to drink, he can't speak..."). Then again SNL sketches have largely just because characters who ARE nothing but a singular character flaw (like Mr. No Depth Perception).
People who learned to "tell" jokes by watching Bugs Bunny cartoons every day, never learning to draw their own cartoon. "It's funny because it's funny!"
- they oughta make a movie.
FYI: This thread has been recognized at the Country Store:
http://countrystore.blogspot.com/
I love that site!
LOL.. that one picture has damaged my eyes forever!
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