Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
" ... when you are young and don't know what you want."
Then how do you know for sure that it was a matter of "respect"?
Don't laugh... but I developed a list of 30 characteristics I was looking for in a mate. My husband had 29 out of 30. I decided I couldn't get much better than that so I said yes to his marriage proposal.
I must have worded that poorly in my earlier overly long post. 'Simple' respect should be as normal as air... bit isn't :(
Nah, it totally lacks class, actually.
LOL!
You're so much more organized than I am! ;-)
I can't blame them. Japanese men seem very effeminate.
Weight talk...is off limits. mmmmmmm
Then how do you know for sure that it was a matter of "respect"?
Don't laugh... but I developed a list of 30 characteristics I was looking for in a mate. My husband had 29 out of 30. I decided I couldn't get much better than that so I said yes to his marriage proposal.
I'm curious and nosey... What was the one characteristic he didn't have? :)
Organized is good... Let's not get into the emotional or logic of it... that's where I totally get lost...
he he he!
me too
ROTFLMAO
He didn't attend church although he had inner spirituality and a knowledge of the Bible. See even though I had a list that 30th characteristic was a judgment error on my part. I later realized this and am now okay with it.
We don't have moonpies up here...
Oh, my.
I like that picture a little too much. :0)
So have ya since been draggin' him to church? I know a lot of people who used to never go really learn to enjoy the community. :)
I'm glad you feel positive about the decision you made. Doesn't sound to me like you don't know what you want.
No kidding. I have a list on my Palmpilot but it is not THAT long. I guess I could add more... but the chances are already looking pretty slim.
hmmm... :)
I'll say it again: If a man feels a woman needs controlling, she's not worth the bother.
It's best to leave her to find someone who naturally behaves the way a woman should behave.
To do otherwise is more bother than any woman is worth.
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