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What Japanese Women Want: A Western Husband
The Christian Science Monitor ^ | December 6, 2004 | Bennett Richardson

Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece

TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.

At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.

A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.

"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."

Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.

The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.

Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.

Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.

A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.

Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.

That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.

Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.

Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.

In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.

To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.

As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.

Mixed marriages in Japan

Japanese men marry:
Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65

Japanese women marry:
Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117

Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Japan; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS:
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To: dmz
You stop talking about my decrepit elbow. The left elbow is good. Only problem with that is, I'm right handed.
601 posted on 12/06/2004 1:44:22 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: pbrown
I just possibly could become an Alpha male, in voice.

LOL
Before I was married I had to call a professional service to come and empty a septic tank.
I called the person on the other end of the phone, "sir", and she told me that she was NOT a sir and if I wanted to come check it out she would show me just how much of a woman she actually was!

The voice sure sounded like it but the actuality couldn't have been more different. lol

602 posted on 12/06/2004 1:45:35 PM PST by Just another Joe (Warning: FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)
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To: dmz

That's what we used to call it when girls and boys called each other names, and said bad things to each other.


603 posted on 12/06/2004 1:46:13 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: Glenmerle
Yipes, I just noticed this! This is the very same tag line I once used in another forum. Good taste!

Thanks! ;-)

604 posted on 12/06/2004 1:46:19 PM PST by RosieCotton (He is a very shallow critic who cannot see an eternal rebel in the heart of a conservative. - GKC)
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To: All
After recently going through a divorce last year I confided in a friend about the lack of quality contacts I was making with the ladies.
She suggested a personal ad, so I said what the heck. Here's what I put in the paper.

44 Y.o. Conservative,good cook,non-smoking,over worked,under paid,big teddy bear type losing his fur. DWM. Seeks a lady who doesn't have a problem with any of the above. Sense of humor a must.

No replies so far though.

605 posted on 12/06/2004 1:47:03 PM PST by WhirlwindAttack
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To: najida
Dang darlin', ya ain't just a teensy, tinesiest bit bitter and judgemental are ya?

No, that's not bitter... This is bitter...

I hate people in general, and women in particular!"

Mark

606 posted on 12/06/2004 1:47:08 PM PST by MarkL (Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too!)
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To: Just another Joe

You checked? LOL


607 posted on 12/06/2004 1:47:10 PM PST by TalonDJ (FR really needs a singles thread....)
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To: najida

It is a fun thread. For once, I'm not on the receiving end....it feels good too.


608 posted on 12/06/2004 1:47:59 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: MarkL

Heh...I have a friend who wanted to buy one of those bumper stickers that say "Mean People Suck" and cut off the "Mean" part...

For some reason that's what your post reminded me of.

Some days, it's certainly true of us all, I suppose!


609 posted on 12/06/2004 1:49:03 PM PST by RosieCotton (He is a very shallow critic who cannot see an eternal rebel in the heart of a conservative. - GKC)
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To: pbrown
It is a fun thread. For once, I'm not on the receiving end....it feels good too.

Well that's a statement that can go anywhere in this forum.

610 posted on 12/06/2004 1:49:25 PM PST by Centurion2000 (Truth, Justice and the Texan Way)
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To: pbrown

and we know that because we're contemporaries...ok you're older (you admitted your age on your FR homepage), but not by much.


611 posted on 12/06/2004 1:49:54 PM PST by dmz
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To: TalonDJ
You checked? LOL

I was young, stupid, and immortal. OF COURSE I checked.

612 posted on 12/06/2004 1:50:05 PM PST by Just another Joe (Warning: FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)
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To: TalonDJ

I disagree. Losing "respect" or "regard" for someone is not just a "simple" matter.


613 posted on 12/06/2004 1:51:33 PM PST by marajade
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To: Just another Joe
When they make that mistake with me I just tell them, I'll give my wife the message when she gets home...we don't have see-a-phone after all. And why embarrass them because I could sing bass in the mornings.
614 posted on 12/06/2004 1:52:22 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: marajade; TalonDJ

I think we're arguing symantics here, though.

I mean...I try to treat everyone with respect.

But I would have to trust someone and respect them on an entirely different level before I'd be willing to marry them. There are plenty of people I like and respect - to keep using that word - but who I couldn't possibly be partners with for life.

Does that make sense, kinda sorta?


615 posted on 12/06/2004 1:53:23 PM PST by RosieCotton (He is a very shallow critic who cannot see an eternal rebel in the heart of a conservative. - GKC)
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To: cyborg
"Marry up and don't like women bigger than they are.. or at least what they perceive to be bigger."

Big as in (don't know how to put this nicely) "plump" or did you mean tall?

Is that your pic in the middle of your about page? You're cute.

616 posted on 12/06/2004 1:54:47 PM PST by mbennett203 (To re-elect Bush, dominate congress and to hear the lamentations of the Democrats!)
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To: Hi Heels

YAAGGGHHH!!!

*thud*


617 posted on 12/06/2004 1:54:58 PM PST by RandallFlagg (FReepers, Do NOT let the voter fraud stories die!!!! (Magnetic bumper stickers-click my name))
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To: dmz
I got you that time...ha ha ha.

You mentioned my age. Here, catch this bottle of aspirin for the headache.

618 posted on 12/06/2004 1:55:24 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: pbrown; Just another Joe
LOL!

I admit...I've been called "sir" on the phone. I have a low voice for a gal, and if it's early morning or I have a cold, even more so.

I can remember one time I called in a tech request to the next level and the gal on the other end was knew so I had to go through the rigmarole of spelling my name. She kept calling me sir, and I didn't want to embarrass her, so I played along. Got through my last name and she said "Oh, the only person we have with that name is (girl name), so that wouldn't be YOU, sir..." At that point I had to say it was.

It would have been nicer if I hadn't gone on that long. Oh well!
619 posted on 12/06/2004 1:56:33 PM PST by RosieCotton (He is a very shallow critic who cannot see an eternal rebel in the heart of a conservative. - GKC)
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To: RosieCotton; marajade

Exactly. I did not 'lose' that level of respect. I dated her until I determined I would never gain that level of respect and then I stopped dating her.


620 posted on 12/06/2004 1:57:08 PM PST by TalonDJ (FR really needs a singles thread....)
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