Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Excellent. Now that is completely fair.
The opposite of clingy and boring is mean and exciting.
Excellent come back.
I could tell from all of your posts to me. LOL
Quit personalizing generalizations, you'll generally live longer.
LOL! Yep, I'm afraid I'd have to add those, too; some days more than others.
For me, at least today, it's a good way to avoid work!
Well yeah, there's that, too...
Perhaps you are right. Maybe what all relationships need is more abuse and disrespect. Maybe all those happy people don't know what they are missing!
Many women fall for the former because of the Bad Boy Syndrome and the excitement of being a part of it, but there's a lot more to making a marriage than a good roll in the hay.
Please.... Drop the PC disclaimer--you won't impress any women with that.
It works. Ayn Rand liked to be dominated.
Why's that?
What are ya sayin' Sam? ;~D
But why waste time on a reclamation project in the first place. If one intends to expend that much energy, you're better off starting with someone who carries less baggage.
OK, means you have a strong sense of self-worth.
you'll do something for me in hopes of gaining some rare approval.
Moi? Don't think so... at one time maybe (before psychoanalysis, hypnosis, regression therapy and a case of Tequila), but today...I'd jez leave ya in the septic tank.
I've found that the less kindness and approval I give, the more a woman will do to earn it and the happier everyone is.
Ahhhh grasshopper, this is what this old geezerette has learned.... Some women as little girls have no father, or a father that treats them very, very badly, or just ignores them. So those little girls grow up not knowing how men are supposed to treat them, thinking that love is abuse and visa versa. Then one day, along comes you...and they think "GEE, he's just like Dad! So he must love me!"
Either they spend their whole lives in this sad cycle, or one day WALLLAH! They wake up and say "This isn't right", kick ya to the curb, burn all yer stuff in the bass boat and subscribe you to a lifetime of gay porn mags.
But, ~sigh~Sadly, often they don't.
Dig your own septic line, I'll be playing golf. :)
Whatever, I can do it myself, just wanted to see ya get dirty. ;)
I think his point is that many women, not a majority or even a large minority, who are on the hunt, not necessarily for marriage, respond to that type of attitude.
When you're a young man, unless you are exceptional, that's what you're looking for. Cheap desperate women who want to get into bed with you but not marry you.
Apparently all those happy people aren't all that happy, are they?
The only 'happy' married people I know are the 20+ year ones--before all the 'sharing and equal' horsecrap.
If women wanted an 'equal partner', they would marry another dopey woman. They want a superior partner....
I can't count the times when I would be dreaming about him in Braveheart, just to have my hubby shake me and ask, 'What are you doing'?
Here's hoping there are still some exceptional ones left, then.
That's a pretty sad generalization, if I can use the "g" word yet again. It's been tossed around an awful lot here. Getting used up...
Not to pick nits (but you wear them so well!) But I think the opposite of clingy and boring is independent and exciting.
The opposite of mean is nice.
Well that could take all day to write out.
ROTFLMAOPINP!
I gotta remember that one.
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